


A Song in the Stars

by strive2bhappy



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 05:30:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11224314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strive2bhappy/pseuds/strive2bhappy
Summary: Jared Padalecki has dreamed of taking to the skies since he was five-years-old. When he becomes an adult and builds a spaceship of his own, he gets to do just that, looking for adventure -- little did he know the adventure waiting for him. Jensen Ackles is born part human, part Terryn and his life as an outcast is difficult -- music is his only real escape. When he's captured by the Dominion, an organization hell-bent on taking over every galaxy in every way they can, he's used as a lab experiment to see how his special, combined heritage can be advantageous for them. Fleeing Dominion control, he vows to himself, they will never find him again. A chance meeting between Jared and Jensen helps both of them get what they're looking for -- and the way things end up, it may have been more than just chance. From various planets throughout different galaxies, to nights under the stars in space, Jared and Jensen find in each other something worth fighting -- and possibly dying -- for.





	A Song in the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: the idea for this fic almost -- ALMOST -- came to me in a dream. no joke. i woke up one morning and boom! there were some of the plot elements.
> 
> the more i thought about it, the more this turned into an actual story. my acupuncturist says it was a download directly from the universe and needed to be written. far be if for me to argue with a woman poking needles in me. she's actually super awesome and if you haven't tried acupuncture, you really should!
> 
> i've wanted to get back to write a big bang for a long time now and YAY! LOOK! IT'S DONE!! sigh. i hope it's okay. random ideas would pop into my head and i'd include them here and man, i just hope some of it makes some kind of sense. and that it's an enjoyable tale for you all.
> 
> and my thank yous. altruisticinteg and i haven't seen NEARLY as much of each other as we have in the past and that sucks. but it's so cool that we can pretty much pick up right where we left off when we do get to see each other and talk boy love and how pretty our boys are. thank you, bb, for your continued support and encouragement.
> 
> do you guys know afattribble? if you don't, you should because i'm telling you they broke the mold when they made this one. here's what happened. about two weeks ago i'm sailing along trying to get this finished and i say to myself, self, i think you're forgetting something. self scoffed. then a little word floated through my mind: beta. gulp. yeah. so i emailed afattribble for the first time in THREE YEARS. no joke. awful, i know, and do you know what that sweet, amazing soul did? she was just as nice and just as kind as she was when we first started talking and despite a MOUNTAIN of real life work, so took a look at this thing. i fear i may have broken her a little with my request, but the point is, this woman is the most SELFLESS CREATURE ANYWHERE EVER. never a truer word has been spoken. she gives me so much hope for the future, you have no idea. i know i may have missed a bunch of her editing, so all remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone. 
> 
> and i met an incredibly awesome person named immortalfire13 and you guys, oh my word, the art just TOOK MY BREATH AWAY. for real. no breath. my lungs were a mess. you've gotta look at the art on my lj. i'm gonna make a separate post for just the art. it's here and you should look because it's AMAZING STUFF: http://strive2bhappy.livejournal.com/35303.html
> 
> and wendy. how you do this every year is completely beyond me. you're so awesome and fandom is so, so lucky to have you. *so many hugs*
> 
>  
> 
> now, let's take to space...

Ziettis seems particularly boisterous this afternoon and Jared's not really certain if that's good or bad. The thriving labor town is usually busy, especially the sections so near to port, but today it's just really loud.

Jared's heard from some of the residents that it's the first nice day they've seen in what's apparently been a rough winter. Mild weather and light after a long time of cold and dark usually riles up the senses.  

Jared's crew needed a break. They'd been airborne for a while now and he's noticed they get antsy if they're cooped up together for too long. Docking at Ziettis for a few hours made sense. Getting a chance to talk and haggle with others is good for all of them, but too many species in one place often leads to trouble. 

In Jared's experience, anyway. 

He's enjoying a bit of the local stew at a chophouse -- all plank boards and a few, dirty glass windows -- and keeping an eye on the crowds in front of him as much as he can. 

There's a table of Sarlaxians in the corner, large ears twitching and bending to the thoughts and emotions swirling through their heads and the conversation. All eight of them appear to be in some moment of laughter -- long, teeth-filled jaws open in what Jared hopes are smiles. 

Another group of young Barvelites surround a qigor board. It's a crude construction, but apparently works for the game. Jared's played a few times, but it's more about luck and chance than any real skill. The Barvelites look to be male, but Jared knows from experience there's really only one way to tell and he's not going to get that close to the scales on their backs to find out. 

The rest of the space is tables with random numbers, some couples, some clearly coming from whatever occupation gives them enough currency to partake in the food and drink, some human, some off planet creatures Jared hasn't had a chance to catalog yet.  

Jared's always been one to trust his instincts and something about today seems ripe with -- he's not sure what. Anxiety. Tension. Trouble. He can't really put his finger on it, but it just feels like something's coming. 

Shaking his head at his own penchant for melodrama, he finishes the last bite of notably tender beef he'd discovered on the menu and heads over to the garbage receptacles. Checking his watch, he figures it's about time to call the team back and head out. They have to make Polanade in two days if they want to be up for the supply run. It's good money and they could damn sure use it for needed repairs to the ship and a little extra spending money -- something he knows none of them would turn down. 

Besides, the odd itch under his skin is starting to make him a little edgy and that's never good in a crowd this size. 

Turning back to the room, he's brought up short by a man well within his personal space. 

"There you are, sweetheart. It has been way too long."

That's all the warning he gets before the wall of tightly compact muscle is plastered against his front and two strong arms wrap securely around his shoulders. 

And then it's nothing but lips. 

He's being kissed -- and for a brief second, he's able to recognize that's it's a damn good kiss before he's swept up in sensation. 

This stranger has a wild, untamed scent that's both deliciously clean and deeply musk-like. He's human and speaks the language, obviously, but there's something else -- an intensity about him that kicks Jared's heart rate up a notch and has him hesitantly reaching out for the man's hips to hold on. 

The small sound the stranger makes is quiet -- an odd mixture of surprise and delight -- and he hitches a scant few inches even closer.

Jared thinks if they weren't in an open, crowded space, he'd like nothing more than to see what other kind of responses he could elicit from this man. 

Jared's not a slut -- all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding -- and he's never, ever kissed another creature without at least knowing his name, but just the thought of being given uninterrupted time with this man makes his breath stumble a bit and his head spin. 

Here's the thing. Jared Padalecki is actually a hopeless romantic. The crew -- every one of them -- roll their eyes at him all the time because of his century's old DVD collection and television. Nobody really even makes movies anymore, so it's such a treat to watch the characters develop and fall in love and all of it just makes this overwhelming kiss in the middle of a crowded chophouse that much more captivating. 

The stranger pulls back slightly and looks up and it's nothing but the purest green Jared has ever seen. The man's eyes are vivid and remarkable and the stranger says, "Shit...that was...unexpected."

Jared grins. It's an impulse he can't control. "Do we know each other?"

The man shakes his head, causing the tips of their noses to brush. "No, but by all the deities, if I had more time, I would certainly like to rectify that situation."

Jared's lips split even further and for a crazy second he almost says _we can make the time_ before remembering where he is and the schedule in front of him. He sighs instead and the stranger must read something in the noise because he murmurs, "just a few more seconds," and tucks his nose against Jared's neck and hitches up along Jared's chest, bringing about a full body slide that nearly takes Jared to his knees. 

Around a soft moan, the man in Jared's arms murmurs, "Now. If you would be so kind as to tell me if the two Dominion officers at the bar have left, I would be greatly appreciative."

Jared blinks and looks up. It's the first time in he-doesn't-know-how-many minutes that's he's noticed anything else around him. Surprisingly, he does see two Dominion police scanning the room. They stick out like a blood stain in their red uniforms and an instinct as old as time makes Jared pull the stranger a little closer and plaster his cheek and nose against the other man's head. Short, golden hair brushes his skin and the scent of this man nearly distracts Jared from his purpose. 

Jared shifts a little, using his shoulders to turn them so that most of what anyone near the bar can see is Jared. The other man is practically eclipsed by Jared's height and build and the fact that he has his face buried in Jared's collarbone. Out of the corner of his eye, Jared can see the officers spin on their heels and march out of the room. 

He lets out the breath he wasn't aware of holding and allows himself a few more seconds of being wrapped tightly together with this beguiling stranger before whispering, "They're gone."

The man takes his time pulling away and Jared swears for a brief second he can feel lips against the skin of his neck. Green eyes again look up through ridiculously long lashes and the man says, "Thank you. I appreciate the respite." 

"Believe me," Jared murmurs. "It was my pleasure."

The man steps back so that they no longer touch and Jared has never felt more adrift in his life. It's dizzying and more than simple intuition calls for him to pull the man back in again. "Wait," he fumbles, reaching for the other man's forearm. "What, um..." he grasps at anything that could keep the exchange going, "What's your name?"

This brings the stranger up short for the briefest of seconds. Jared can tell from the flash in those green eyes that the man is measuring...something. 

"Mine's Jared. If it helps." He aims for innocence in his tone and goofy smile and bless the suns of every galaxy, it works. 

The stranger's shoulders relax and he smiles slightly in return and says, "My name's Jensen."

Jared's hand slips down Jensen's forearm and links up with Jensen's fingers. "I am very pleased to make your acquaintance." 

Jensen squeezes slightly. "And I really did appreciate the help back there."

Somewhere in the back of Jared's mind, he realizes they doubtlessly look insanely dopey standing like they are, basically holding hands with what probably amount to absurd smiles on their faces, but for the life of him, he can't seem to walk away. 

"So, uh," Jared's mind reels and he tries not to lose all ability to reason in Jensen's eyes. "What...um, what brings you to Ziettis?"

It's shrewd, the look Jensen gives him, and Jared knows he's pretty transparent in his efforts to maintain some kind of conversation. He has a feeling it's tough to get anything past this man. Jensen clears his throat, "I actually am looking for a way off this stinking rock."

There's a beat. A second where time seems suspended and Jared doesn't dare to even inhale. 

A primal shiver makes its way up Jared's spine and everything becomes wildly clear. 

It's destiny. Fate. Inevitable. And Jared knows it like he knows every piece and angle of his ship and what it took to get her airborne. 

He doesn't even question it. Just jumps. 

"I, um...wow. I actually have a ship and we're just getting ready to make a run to Polanade. We have the room. If you're interested."

This time Jensen does pull back and breaks contact and his expression goes far beyond skeptical. He glances behind them, where the Dominion guards just left the bar and when he turns back around he murmurs, "Seriously?"

"Look," Jared holds up both of his hands in a universal sign of submission. "I know this kind of sounds too good to be true, but maybe there's a reason you chose me to...," and Jared can feel himself flush a little, "...well, chose me."

Jensen eyes him with outright suspicion. "Are you some kind of crack pot or something? What have you been smoking?"

Jared huffs a self-depricating laugh. "No. I'm not a crack pot. Well, not really. And I didn't smoke anything. I'm a little crazy, but it's a good kind of crazy," and at that, he gives Jensen his best sincere grin. 

Jensen doesn't seem convinced. At all.

"Okay, for real," Jared sighs, knowing this isn't something that Jensen will likely decide in a chophouse. "My ship is docked at the Port Street station, number 86. I'm giving my crew an hour to get back and we're going to go. If you're there within the hour, you've got a spot on board. If not, no harm." 

Jared reaches over to the table for his jacket and faces Jensen one more time. "Think about it, though. There might be a reason we were both here on this afternoon at this time," he shrugs. "That's all I'm saying. Whatever happens, it was nice to meet you and I wish you luck."

_You're someone I won't soon forget._

Jared has just enough sense left not to say that out loud. 

He gives a goofy little wave, sidesteps Jensen and heads outside with a deep sigh. It's been a very long time since he's wanted something as much as he wants Jensen to come with them. It's because of that he knew he had to get out, get some distance, think a bit. 

He moves toward Port Street and even with Jensen no longer in his personal space, he can still smell him, feel him, remember the sensation of that kiss. It makes rational thought more than a little difficult.   
   
It's only when he's back at the ship and unlocking the cargo bay that Jared realizes he's invited a total stranger, who is clearly at the very least hiding from the Dominion, on board. 

It's marginally possible the crew just might kill him. 

**

"What did you do?"

It's creepy how easily Chris can read Jared. Jared's always appreciated the man's perception, only not so much when it's at his expense. "What do you mean?" he asks, as virtuous as he can pitch his tone, while they load supplies. 

Chris's eyes narrow. "Something's going on. You're all," he flutters his hand, "twitchier than normal."

Jared gapes. "I take offense to that, I'll have you know." He busies himself with some of the equipment Gen managed to find at a discounted price. 

"Don't give a shit what offends, just need to know what kind of a mess you've gotten us into."

Jared turns back around on a huff and Gen is there, with an all too-knowing glance. "It's a guy, isn't it?" she asks.

And shit, he can feel himself flush. 

Gen smirks. "Got it."

"Hot damn, Jay, did you get laid?" Chad has a mouth full of some kind of meat on a stick, dripping sauce and tendons and only the deities know what else onto the steel-plated floor. 

Jared points somewhat spastically at the mess, "Watch what you're doing!" 

Chad ignores the admonishment and continues around his next bite, "'Bout damn time, boy. You've been on a serious dry spell."

Jared pinches the bridge of his nose, "I did not get laid, okay? Seriously."

Gen's brown eyes narrow, "Maybe not, but it's got something to do with a guy."

Damn the woman and her Caspasian heritage. Not only is the deep purple hue of her skin incredibly striking, but her brain is sharp as a freshly honed blade. He's never been able to hide anything from her. 

He shoots her an irritated glance, "Just get the stuff on the ship, okay?" 

She rolls her eyes and flounces back out to the street for another cart full of electronics. 

Aldis glides up through the crowd on his gasoline propelled scooter, dragging a surprising haul behind him. 

Chad tosses the now-meatless bone in with the cargo and declares, "So, Al, did you hear Jay got laid?"

After the other man scowls at the oil stain Chad's garbage smears on his newly attained metal instruments, he must actually comprehend Chad's words and his eyebrows, along with the crown of Talaxian horns, march into his hairline. "Jay got laid?"

Jared sighs. He has no idea when his crew became so remarkably interested in his sex life. 

Aldis asks with a definite gleam in his dark brown eyes, "Isn't he studying to be a monk or something?"  

"Alright," Jared grouses. "Ha ha. Joke's on you guys, though, 'cause I didn't get laid."

Silence descends and Jared thinks, finally, they get it. He takes a breath only to be brought up short by their expressions and frozen stature. He turns around slowly to see what's gotten their attention and his heart nearly stops. 

Jensen's standing just a few feet from the entrance to the cargo bay wrapped in a coat that almost swallows him whole and a bag slung over his shoulder. 

Holy fuck, Jared never dreamed he would actually show. 

And shit, he must have heard the talk of fornication. 

"Uh," Gen starts, and by her body language Jared can tell her hackles are on the rise. "Can we help you?"

Jensen's green eyes dart from person to person and Jared stumbles down the gang plank -- almost bowling Jensen over -- to interrupt what will likely be one hell of an interrogation from Gen. 

"Hey," he babbles at Jensen's bewilderment. "Wow. Um. How are you? So. I can't believe. Just. Yeah. You're here."

Jensen's nods cautiously, not unlike you would to a particularly slow-witted troll. And Jared knows. He's met some painfully dense trolls. 

"So...shit, I just, okay," Jared continues, completely unable to string a coherent sentence together to figure out how to explain Jensen to his crew and vice versa. The situation kind of has imminent doom written all over it. Still, he's gotta try, so in characteristic fashion, he jumps. "You guys," he sweeps his hands out to encompass the four people now standing, utterly immobile, at the entrance to the ship, "this is Jensen." He turns back to the man in question and says, "Jensen, these are the guys."

For a full ten seconds, no one moves. 

It's Chad who breaks the silence. "So you did get laid then. Nice."

Jared closes his eyes, "Oh for fuck sake, Chad, seriously? Make a worse impression. I kind of want you to try."

Chris clears his throat and scratches his head, "And Jensen is, who exactly?"

Jared can actually feel Jensen stiffen next to him when he hisses, "You didn't tell them?"

"There wasn't really," Jared begins, but he's talking to Jensen's back. 

Shit.

Jared doesn't even stop to think, just bounds off after him, hollering, "I didn't really have time and I mean, I kept telling myself there was this huge chance that you wouldn't even show -- mostly so I wouldn't be to disappointed when you didn't -- and I mean, Jensen, come on, it's totally cool, for real --"

Jensen pivots -- fast -- and he looks pretty pissed. "This isn't cool. Your crew knew nothing about me possibly coming on board."

Jared has to almost windmill his arms to stop his momentum, but he just manages to avoid impact. "It really is okay, though, I swear. They're totally cool and we've taken on other people before."

Jensen's eyes narrow, but he doesn't say anything. 

"Just...come back and meet them," Jared pleads. "If you don't want to come with us after the introductions, it's totally fine."

Jared gives him his best _c'mon just do it for me_ grin even though Jensen really doesn't know him that well -- or at all, for that matter -- and as a result, likely wouldn't have any kind of compulsion to do anything for Jared and even though that trademark expression usually only works on the friends he's had for an extended period of time, a deity somewhere must be smiling down on him because Jensen heaves a sigh and heads back the way he came. 

Jared just barely manages to not fist bump the air. 

When they're back at the gang plank, Jared can tell he must have missed a hell of a discussion among his crew because well, none of the supplies have moved even an inch from where they were when Jared left and they all have part bemused, part annoyed expressions. 

"So," Jared hoots, clapping his hands together. "Take two." He ahems loudly. "Guys, this is Jensen. He needs a ride...somewhere other than here. I told him we were headed to Polanade and he was welcome to come along."

There's an awkward quiet, but Jared plows through. "Jensen, this is Genevieve Cortese. She's our communications gal."

Jensen nods and Gen says, "And Jared is clearly our public relations specialist with an introduction like that." She glares at Jared. "Your communications gal? Seriously?"

Jared sighs, "I'm trying to inject some levity here, Gen."

She rolls her eyes, but acknowledges Jensen with a little tip of her chin and hauls a piece of computer equipment into the ship. 

Jared does a silent and motionless happy dance. That went pretty well. 

He turns to Aldis, "This is our engineer, Aldis Hodge."

Aldis steps up and extends his right hand. Jensen takes it and the two seem accepting of one another. Jared feels a little hope flicker. 

Chris walks down the gang plank and right up to Jensen. 

Jensen, amazingly enough, doesn't falter even minutely and holds his ground. 

"This is Christian Kane," Jared supplies. "He's our doctor."

Chris sighs and looks away from Jensen -- Jared had a feeling he couldn't resist that bait -- and almost growls, "Why you always gotta do that?" 

Jared has just enough balls to give him a _duh_ look. "Because it's true."

"No, it isn't."

"Well, it's true enough."

"True enough ain't gonna give anybody a degree."

"You've got a degree!" 

"Fucking gods, boy, I am not gonna keep having this same argument with you."

"We wouldn't have to if you'd just agree with me!" 

And the murderous look Chris gives him shuts Jared up. 

It's the shifting of the body next to them that fully shakes them out of their bickering. 

Jensen's staring at both of them like they've just sprouted Kevlarian wings from their shoulder blades and plan to abscond with him to the clouds. 

"Uh," Jared says. "Anyway, Chris is our doctor."

Chris's fingers fist at his sides and Jared knows he's probably a second away from getting at the very least swatted before Chris sighs and turns to Jensen, "I'm a vet. Studied at a practice on Earth when this lowlife and his BFF conned me into going with them on their big space odyssey."

Chris sounds put out by the whole thing, but there's a fondness in his blue eyes that says his griping's all for show. Jared knows Chris wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

"And that leaves me," Chad announces while jamming himself between Jared and Chris. "BFF, at your service."

"Chad Michael Murray," Jared offers. "He's our...um..."

He looks to Chris for help and the other man simultaneously shakes his head and rolls his eyes while dragging Aldis's cart up the gang plank.

Jared scratches his bangs out of his face. "Chad, well, he..."

Chad crosses his arms expectantly.

"Uh..."

Chad turns to Jensen, "I'm Chief Morale Officer."

Jensen's eyes shift to Jared for confirmation. 

Jared shrugs, "Okay, sure. Wasn't nearly as bad as when he introduced himself as our porn purveyor to a group of nuns on a missions trip."

Chad hoots. "I almost forgot about that. Damn, that was fun. Shouldda seen those pious chicks when I gave 'em a rundown of what I could supply."

Jared bodily pushes Chad up the gang plank. "Okay, that's enough. Is Fel already up front?"

Chris has a second stack of supplies in his arms as he walks past Jared with a "haven't seen her."

Jared frowns. They've got about ten minutes before they'd agreed to be gone. It's not like her to be this late. "Well, you'll meet our pilot soon enough. Hopefully." He looks at Jensen. "So, what do you think? She's a good ship. Won't have a problem making it to Polanade."

Expectation simmers through his veins and when Jensen nods slightly and seems to have made up his mind, Jared wants very much to whoop at the top of his lungs but bites back the impulse at the last second. "Awesome," he gestures Jensen inside. "Welcome aboard."

Jensen slowly makes his way up the plank and Jared feels a poke at his back. 

Gen's got that perceptive look when she whispers, "I knew it had something to do with a guy."

Jared doesn't dignify that with a response. 

He's in the middle of explaining some of the supplies they'd acquired when Felicia races past him sputtering, "Okay, we really gotta go. Like now. Like yesterday would probably be better."

Jared snags the tail of her sweater and swings her back around. "Hi."

She's flailing a little and keeping an eye on the street behind her, short red curls bouncing into her eyes. "No time for pleasantries. Everybody on the ship. I'm taking off in like three seconds."

No one really changes pace. 

"Wanna tell me what's the big hurry?" Jared asks. 

She flaps her hands in front of her face. "No time. Just...let's go."

Jared crosses his arms. 

Felicia huffs. "Fine. There's a chance. Just a slight," she holds her thumb and forefinger up to her nose with very little space between them, "I'm talking tiny possibility that I may have hooked up with this super nice chick who, turns out, ha, who knew? Has a wicked badass girlfriend who desperately wants to kick my ass into the next galaxy."

Chad hollers, "That's so awesome! Jared got laid too!" 

Felicia stops. Pretty much everything. "You did?"

Chad's still hopping around. "He did! To this guy!" and points to Jensen, who by now is looking at the cargo bay door like it's the only route that holds any chance at sanity or freedom. 

Felicia frowns, "Who's that guy?"

"Okay," Jared holds up both hands between them. "Just stop."

Felicia looks Jensen up and down and her characteristic smarmy grin spreads from ear to ear. "Oh hell, yeah, Jay. Mommy like."

Jared tries to stifle the crazy, "Just..."

Jensen steps closer to the door, "Maybe I should just..."

That gets Jared moving. To block the exit. "No, no. Everything's just been misunderstood." Jared attempts to detain Jensen with an outstretched palm. "Jensen, this is Felicia Day. She's our pilot and apparently in desperate need to get off this planet. Fel, this is Jensen. He needs a ride to Polanade."

The slick smile never really leaves her face. "That the only ride he needs?"

"Oh for fuck sake..."

Chris asks from the street, "Hey, Fel, what's this badass chick look like? She wear a lot of leather? Built like a linebacker?" It's obvious he's describing someone he can see at a distance. "Moves like a Wenierian transport vessel?"

Felicia squeaks, spins on her heel and yells, "Anyone or anything not in this bird in the next two minutes is staying here. I'm not even joking."

She takes the stairs -- three at a time -- to the main level. 

Aldis shakes his head and follows her, "That girl's libido is gonna be the death of her one day. Everything of mine's accounted for. Hitting the hay for a bit. Ship's ready to fly."

Chris and Gen pull the last of the equipment on board and Chris reaches for the latch. He glances to Jensen, "Last chance, hitchhiker man. Coming or going?"

Chad opens his mouth and Jared cuts him off with a breath-stealing crack to his solar plexus. 

Around Chad's coughing and gagging, Jared gives Jensen a hopeful grin and the other man drops his bag to the floor and mumbles, "At least it should be entertaining."

Chris hits the switch and the bay doors close with a thump. It's only a handful of seconds later that the engines stir to life, the landing gear rolls back up into place and they're airborne. 

Just like she said, Felicia gets them off the planet in record time. 

Chris and Gen drag Chad up the stairs and Jared's standing in the cargo bay, alone and face-to-face with the alluring Jensen, for the first time since...well, really ever. 

Jared inhales, "So. How 'bout a tour? You probably wanna see your room so you can put your stuff somewhere. We've got one for you. A room, I mean. It's a single. No need to worry about overcrowding on this ship. Everybody has separate quarters. It's pretty cool. We always have rooms open so that's why we sometimes take on passengers. Like I said before, it really was no big deal."

"You stopped here to get laid, huh?"

Jensen pretty much cuts right to it. 

Jared shakes his head so vehemently, his bangs distort his vision and he has to swipe at his face a couple time. "No, no, I swear. I really didn't. I haven't. I mean, I really don't usually...I...my crew can be dickheads when they wanna be and apparently embarrassing me is a new pastime of theirs."

"So you didn't tell them you had sex?" 

That makes Jared sputter. "W-what? Oh my god, no. I really didn't. They just...well, they know me and I guess I was a little...excited...after..."

Well, shit, that's awkward. 

"Excited, huh?" Jensen's expression is hard to read.

Damn it, Jared can feel himself blush again. And fuck it all, it's not like he's some bashful virgin. He's had his share of liaisons. With all manner of being, really. It's just there's something about this guy, this Jensen, that turns him around, revs up his heartbeat and apparently makes him stutter like a thirteen-year-old fool. 

Giving himself a mental shake and a stern _for the sake of the gods, man up, Padalecki. You're an adult. Fucking act like one_ , he says, "The truth of the matter is that was a pretty damn amazing kiss and I was more than a little distracted when I got back here. Chris picked up on it, Gen knew it was a guy and Chad...well, Chad's so obsessed with sex it's possible he's a little demented. I never suggested he get tested, so it's hard to say." He shrugs and when he looks back at Jensen, he's somewhat surprised to find the other man fidgeting where he stands. 

Huh. So it's possible he's not completely unaffected either. 

Interesting. 

There's a brief second, a moment, that hangs in the air and Jared itches under his skin to reach out again to see if the intensity of that kiss really just is all in his mind. 

Jensen's lips part a fraction of an inch and Jared leans the tiniest bit forward only to have Jensen blink rapidly and step back with a quiet, "Um. Maybe I should p-put my stuff somewhere."

The catch in the other man's voice shivers through Jared and not for the first time, he wonders what he's done by inviting this stranger on board. 

**

He gets Jensen settled into his room -- it's a single bed and not all that big, but there's a decent amount of space and it's comfortable. Jensen sheds the oversized jacket, and there's that compact body again, pants outlining his thighs and biceps like ripe apples, just ready to bite into. Damn, Jared remembers what it felt like to have all that pressed tight against him and it's taking a lot of willpower not to reel Jensen back in again. 

Jared forces himself to look away and step out into the hallway to continue the tour. Once Jensen tosses his bag in the corner, he remarks that all the rooms seem to be on the same corridor.

Jared grabs the safe topic of conversation and tries not to notice how incredibly well the beige pants Jensen's wearing hug his ass -- two tight, round globes that Jared's sure would fit perfectly in his palms. Yeah, he failed pretty bad at not noticing that. He clears his throat and says, "We planned it this way for convenience, really. Although Aldis has been known to sleep down in engineering and sometimes I can't get Chris out of the medical wing to save my life."

"So you built her?" Jensen asks as they head toward the kitchen. 

"Chad and me, yeah," Jared says. "Chris helped, too, though."

Jared's pretty proud of the boat. Took a lot of years and planning and she may not look like much, but she's solid and reliable and most importantly -- she flies.

"You guys grew up together?" Jensen wonders.

Jared shrugs and stops at the microwave. "Sort of. Chad and I did and we met Chris at university. Chad and I were studying space and Chris wanted to be a vet and...crap. You're not allergic are you?"

Jensen's green eyes hold confusion at the topic shift. 

"Uh, to animals, I mean," Jared clarifies. 

"Oh, no, I'm not. Should I ask why?"

"Chris sort of...takes on strays. We've got cats a lot of different places on the ship and the only reason I won't let him have a dog is 'cause of how often we're airborne. Haven't figured out how to walk one in space, you know?" Jared snuffles a laugh. 

As if on some kind of magical cue, a long, lean tabby cat wanders around the corner and looks up -- way up -- at Jared. 

Jared puts his hands on his hips and the cat stops, green eyes intent. "You know you're not allowed in the kitchen, Nebula."

There's a trilling sort of sound and the cat rubs against one of the cabinets. 

Jared can't help but grin, "You can be as loving as you like, Nebbie, you gotta go." He points to the hallway and Nebula appears to consider this, gives a rather belabored, heaving sigh and moves on down the hall.

When Jared turns back to Jensen, he finds the smallest of grins on the other man's face and shit if Jared doesn't want to just nibble on Jensen's lower lip for a little while. 

He clears his throat instead and says, "So, yeah. We have cats. Nebbie's one of, I hope, only five, but since Chris was off the ship unsupervised for a while, it won't be surprising if we've got more. Anyway, this is the kitchen and I try to keep the cats out for obvious reasons. We've got good equipment for cooking and if you're lucky enough to be around when Chris is making something, you won't regret it. We kind of all toss money into a pot for food and Chris finds us crazy bargains, but he's gotta make sure Chad doesn't take advantage and eat us out of everything, so I think Chris hides some stuff. I'm not even sure where. So, feel free to help yourself to whatever's in the cupboards or fridge."

Jensen frowns, "I can give you some money..."

Jared waves him off, "No worries. I got it covered."

Heading out the opposite door from where they came in, Jared explains how Fel, Aldis and Gen came to be on board. "We met them at different ports and they just needed a change of scenery and somehow, they just all...fit. Turns out Fel studied to be a pilot at a rival college of ours, and Al and Gen really wanted off their planets, so, here we all are."

Jensen nods, taking it all in. 

Jared motions in front of them, "That's the bridge. We power down from time to time so we can all get some rest. Sensors are always on, though, so we get alerted to anything around us. The bathrooms are here." He opens the doors to a large, tiled room with separate shower and bathroom stalls. "It's unisex, so anyone can be in here, but everyone's cool with it."

Jensen looks impressed, "Wow."

"We kind of modeled it after the dorm rooms from school," Jared explains. "It's not all that usual on a ship, but living with Chad, you find out pretty quick how important a shower is." 

Jensen chuckles. 

"We've got tanks that hold a lot of water, but we always make sure to fill them whenever we're in port. I have to tell you," Jared warns, "the showers are timed so nobody wastes what we've got. It's not super short, but you're not gonna be able to be in there forever. So don't dawdle." 

Jensen nods. 

Jared grins, "But I gotta show you the coolest part of the ship." 

On the opposite side of the cargo bay is an open area with all kinds of exercise apparatus and sports equipment. The floor is actually a little bit bigger than the size of a regulation basketball court and it cost a pretty penny, but he and Chad wanted some place to blow off steam and shooting hoops has always been a favorite pastime. 

Jensen takes it all in with a curious expression. 

"So, this is kind of where everyone goes to play," Jared explains. 

Jensen's watching the basketball hoop as though it might explain the mysteries of the universe. 

"You ever play basketball?" Jared asks. 

Jensen shakes his head. 

Moving across the room to the bin with the equipment, Jared grabs a basketball and hands it to Jensen. "Get that ball into that basket from this line."

Jensen's demeanor turns remarkably shrewd. He hefts the ball and seems to be weighing it, while at the same time judging the height and distance of the basket. 

Damn. Like Jared needed another reason to intrigued as hell by guy. 

It takes only a few more minutes before Jensen launches the ball into the air in a perfect arc, and it slides right through the hoop with a swish without touching the rim. 

Jared turns doubtful. "You're screwing with me, man. You've played this before."

Jensen shakes his head. "I swear."

Jared grins and shucks off his hoodie. "Let's see how you do against an actual opponent."

Jensen's eyes light up and after Jared explains the rules, it's on.

Jared's not sure if it's the fact that the two of them get pretty sweaty or that they both get pretty close to one another to block shots or if it's just Jensen, but he's gotta admit, it's the best pick-up game of basketball he's ever played. 

**

Dinner that night is...interesting. Chris found some kind of specialized meat on Ziettis and he sautes just the right amount of spices to make it completely amazing. 

"You missed your calling, dude," Aldis pronounces. "Should have been a chef."

Chris shrugs off the compliment, but his blue eyes dance a bit. 

The table is big enough for the full crew, plus some extras, so Jensen has joined them, sitting just to Jared's right and he's fairly intent on his food. 

Felicia programmed the trip to Polanade, so with the sensors on, there’s no need for anyone to actually be on the bridge, which allows them all to eat together. 

Jared swallows and echoes Aldis's sentiment, "You are quite talented, Chris."

For some reason, this brings about an eye-roll as opposed to a pleased expression. 

“So,” Chad says, mouth full. “When did you two actually hook up?”

Jared drops his head to his plate. Damn it. 

Jensen freezes next to him. 

Jared inhales painfully and says, “Guys, for the last time, we didn’t hook up, okay? It seems like Fel got some action, though.”

Felicia turns red and Jared is relieved when the attention shifts to her. 

Gen asks, “So how was she?”

Felicia turns to the only other woman at the table and says, “Gen, Jesus, she was amazing.”

Gen’s brown eyes turn wistful, more so than Jared thought possible. “Yeah?”

Felicia nods, red hair bobbing. 

“Tell me later?” Gen whispers. 

Felicia’s grin must be the only confirmation Gen needs.

Chad's mouth is full when he parrots, "Tell me later?"

Two female voice is unison instantly reply: "Shut the fuck up."

“All I can say is that girlfriend looked like she could take out a whole transport vessel of passengers,” Chris comments. “You got lucky.”

“You have no idea,” Felicia bobs her eyebrows.

Chris just shakes his head. Jared notices Chris’s attention seems to be under the table and he says, “Please tell me you're not feeding the cats while we’re having dinner.”

“Okay, I won’t tell you,” Chris replies. 

Jared sighs. “Seriously, man. That’s just unsanitary.”

Chris quirks a brow and glances next to him at Chad, who has some kind of grease under his fingernails and a detritus of crumbs and food all around him and his plate. 

Chad looks up. “Wha?” 

Something actually falls out of his mouth onto his shirt. 

Jared swears he hears the quietest little chuckle from the seat next to him, but Jensen’s intent on his food, so he can't be certain. Jared slumps back down. He’s got nothing. “Just keep them under the table.”

Chris salutes and continues to give the cats pieces of meat while eating his own dinner.

Beside him, Jensen eats quickly and Jared wonders when Jensen last had a decent meal. The thought bothers him more than he’s willing to admit. He makes a mental note to be sure Jensen has enough to eat while he’s on board. 

“So, Jensen,” it’s Gen and the words make the man next to Jared tense. “How long were you on Ziettis?”

Jensen clears his throat and glances up. “Couple of months.”

Aldis asks, "Doing what?"

Jensen shrugs. "Odd jobs." 

The motion of his shoulders moves the sleeve of his t-shirt and draws attention to a relatively long scar slicing across his elbow. Jensen's follows the line of sight of most people at the table and immediately curls in on himself. He gives the remainder of the food on his plate a whistful look and whispers, "If you'll excuse me...I'm going to h-head back to my room for the night."

The group is silent as Jensen slips out of the kitchen.

Chris's blue eyes look thoughtful. "That one's gonna be a tough nut to crack, Jay."

Gen huffs a laugh, "May not be here long enough to get a chance."

Felicia shakes her head, "You might be wrong on that one, babe. I think he needs us more than he even realizes."

Chad rolls his eyes and more food leaves his mouth when he scoffs, "You chicks always gotta make everything all..." he waves his hands around as though the gesture is enough to complete his thought.

Jared's neck tingles, the same as it had when he first met Jensen just this morning, and he has a feeling Felicia may be more right than any of them know. 

**

Jensen jerks awake with that first-second, flash-fear of both not knowing where he is and realizing he was actually fully asleep. He'd honed his senses to a sharp edge over the last few years and he rarely sleeps without at least being somewhat aware of the noises and goings on around him. 

Not this time, though.

This time, for some reason he doesn’t understand at the moment, he felt safe enough to really sleep. 

Bizarre. 

He doesn't move or open his eyes and tries to get the sense of the room without sight. It feels small and he can't hear any breathing other than his, so he's alone.

Memory stirs and he realizes where the security came from. 

Jared. The crew. The ship. Getting the hell off Ziettis. And that goddamn kiss that he can't forget even in his dreams, especially if the mess in his underwear is any indication. 

Gods, what had he been thinking? 

He pulls his sticky boxers away from his skin and can’t even reconcile what the fuck had happened. 

Jared's just. Tall. And well-muscled and with that auburn hair falling against his neck and shoulders, Jensen just wants to bury his fingers in it to see how soft it's gotta be. 

And he's funny. And the damn dimples. Jensen hasn't seen a smile as bright as Jared's in a long, long time. 

Jared's...dangerous. 

He makes Jensen forget -- or want to ignore -- hard-learned life lessons. There's gotta be more to Jared than what he's seen. Jared'll show his true colors. Everyone always does. 

How the fuck had he ended up here? 

Truthfully, when those Dominion officers showed up the only thought in his head was _get out, get gone, disappear. Don't let them see you. Get lost in the crowd. Get lost in someone._

The second he noticed Jared, the plan had taken shape. He looked — strong, capable, dependable. And Jensen jumped. 

And now, here he is. On a ship bound for Polanade with a group of people who seem weird but truly decent. They don't deserve the shit he'll bring down on them. No one does. 

He's gotta get away from them as soon as he can. Maybe he'll stay on Polanade for a while. See if he can hitch a ride on a transport somewhere else. 

_Keep moving, don't get comfortable, don't stop. Don't get caught._

He never knew a metal instrument could be cold and burn at the same time.

He shakes his head, trying to physically banish the thought. He's not in the lab anymore. He's not scheduled for any more experiments. He got out. 

And he's never fucking going back. 

His fingers shift on the blanket, patterns already forming. Notes sounding in his head -- C, A, G, staccato, quarter note, hold it, make the run, hit the chord. 

His heart beat slows with the tune in his mind.

Composing soundless melodies is the only respite he can find from the memories of his time as a Dominion test subject. Sometimes he doesn't even realize he's doing it -- an automatic response from his brain to counteract the flashbacks. 

He inhales quickly and recognizes how desperately he needs a shower. 

Gathering clean clothes and following his memory from the tour yesterday, he finds the bathroom and chooses the shower stall farthest from the door. He stands under the spray of surprisingly warm water. 

He knows he’s got a time limit, but for a few seconds, he just allows himself to appreciate the sensation of the prickling droplets. 

He’d been so dirty. They hadn’t even allowed him a chance to clean up. 

He clenches his teeth. 

No. 

_No._

He got out. 

He’s free. 

At least as free as someone like him can ever be. 

_Half-breed._

It’s a child’s voice, oddly enough. Too small to really know what he’s saying. Likely just mimicking what he’d heard his parent’s say. 

Even still, the tone says he knows it’s cutting. It’s stings. 

And the expression in his small face says he doesn’t care. That he wants the barb to hit. Hard. 

And it does. 

Even more than thirty years later. 

Blindly, Jensen reaches for the soap, remembering the time limit. 

The smell is clean and pure and Jensen takes just a second to breathe in the sharp, somewhat elegant scent before rubbing it as quickly as he can over his body, fingers bumping over well-known and well-worn scars. 

The water splatters and it sounds like a melody and he smiles, hearing the notes in his head, wishing he could express them, play them, make them music, but knowing he hasn’t been able to do that in a long, long time. 

Shower spray hits him under his balls and, unbidden, a voice in his head whispers, _look at you. So amazing. Wish I could worship you all day._  

It’s a battle. The feeling from the memory of being adored, revered, wanted, and the contradictory memory of disrespect, dishonor and betrayal. 

In his crazy moments, those seconds when he ignores the primal survival instinct, he wants to take a sharp implement — knife, blade, fuck even a pencil — and dig as far beyond the corner of his eye as he can and lobotomize himself. 

He’d heard of others who had done it. 

Just forget everything. 

Leave it all in the past where it belongs. 

But he’s too fucking scared. Too fucking pathetic to even risk it. 

So how much does he really hate the memories? If he doesn’t have the balls to permanently erase everything, really, how much does it bother him?

It’s the one question in his fucked up brain that he has refused to answer. 

Ever. 

The noise from outside the shower stall is what jerks him back to reality.

He freezes. For no other reason than his instincts tell him to do so. 

“Hey Jensen, it’s Chad.” 

The words echo off the tile. 

“You jerkin’ it or something, man? Don’t mean to interrupt.”

It’s obvious the other man already knows he’s here — although it’s difficult to figure out how he knows — but it’s not like he can’t answer so he grunts, “No.”

“Cool!” and his tone sounds genuinely elated that they can talk. “I know how much it fucking sucks to have another dude start up a conversation when you’re trying to blow a load thinking about a chick.”

Jensen makes a sound that’s supposed to be a response. 

The shower right next to his clicks on and Chad asks, “So you and Jay hooked up, huh? Oh, hell, yeah, you did. So maybe it’s not that difficult to have a dude talk to you, huh? I mean I doubt you’re thinking about a chick, amirite?”

Jensen doesn’t know why he’s even trying, but he mumbles, “It’s okay…I’m not…”

“Cool, man,” Chad says. “I don’t have a problem with it. Obviously. But, you know. I respect a guy’s right to whack it in the shower, man. It just makes more sense, ‘cause you can wash it all away and you don’t need to worry about tissues and shit.”

Jensen actually wonders if Chad ever hears himself talk. And another part of him worries that’s all that Chad ever understands — his own words. 

“So, it’s cool having you here,” Chad says. 

This is pretty surprising and Jensen can't help but grunt out, “It is?”

“Yeah, man,” Chad assures. “I mean, it’s kind of all of the same all the time, you know? I mean, Jay and I grew up together and Chris, well, he’s always looking at me like he expects me to show him my boner every day or something, which, come on, I’m not uncouth or anything.”

Jensen would like to argue, but he doesn’t get a chance. 

“And Felly, she’s all about the chicks and I’d really love to watch but she threatened me with a gun one time — true story — if I ever tried and Gen scares the fuck outta me ‘cause I’m pretty sure she’d bite my dick off if she ever got the chance and Al, man, he and I are buds and so, I dunno, it’s cool just having someone different here is all.”

After all of that, Jensen feels it only fair to announce, “I’m not having sex with you, Chad. Like, ever.”

Chad huffs through the liquid of the shower. “Damn, man, I’d be offended if I was even remotely in to dick, but you’re good, so I get it.”

Jensen supposes he should feel grateful, but…

“So when did you know you liked dudes?” Chad asks. 

And Jensen thought the galaxies were long past questioning the whole homosexual thing, but he murmurs, “All my life, pretty much.”

“That’s cool, man. Jay came out to me when we were like twelve or something. I was cool. I mean, some days I’m bummed I don’t like dudes because I could get laid like twice as much, you know?”

His math is flawless, but Jensen doesn’t comment. 

“But, dick, man. I just don’t get it. I mean, I like mine. Truthfully I really love it, but I love it in relation to a chick. Like in their mouths or in their—“

“I got it,” Jensen assures, trying to cut Chad off at the pass. 

“Yeah, right. I get it. You don’t want to hear about the chick stuff. I mean, I’m all okay with it. I get boundaries.”

Never has there been a less true statement, but Jensen keeps his mouth shut. 

“Anyway,” Chad says. “Thanks for talking.” 

There’s sounds of drying and grunting and eventually, it’s quiet and not for the first time, Jensen wonders what the holy hell he’d gotten himself into.

**

Jared finds Jensen alone on the bridge a few nights later, sitting in the very spot Jared uses when he can’t sleep. 

He and Chad built the ship so that when a person is on the bridge, he or she has as much visible vantage as possible. It was a risk using that much glass, but they’d found a compound that made the material damn near as strong as steel and Jared has always believed being able to see what’s coming at you — from as many angles as possible — is just smart.

Plus it gave Chad a chance to test the durability of the compound and for three days all they did was blow shit up. 

It was pretty awesome. 

Felicia sits at the best spot to see everything when she steers this boat and with Gen’s addition of panoramic cameras at their back, there’s really not much they don’t know about outside. 

Jensen sits just a behind Felly’s chair, dressed in soft sleepwear pants and a white t-shirt, with his legs propped up on her seat, and Jared knows from experience it's a great spot for introspection. 

Jensen’s mostly kept to himself, so it’s kind of a rare to find him out of his room.

Jensen looks calm, but his fingers tap gracefully along the rail next to him. 

“Nice view, huh?” Jared asks quietly. 

Despite his soft tone, Jensen still startles as he turns. 

Jared holds up his hands, “Didn’t mean to disturb. You just found one of my favorite spots when we’re powered down.”

“I can see why,” Jensen says as he turns back around to the stars and his fingers pick up a little bit of speed. 

“Mind if I join you?”

Jensen shrugs, “S’your ship.”

Jared huffs. “Not really. A lot of these guys know her better than me.”

Jensen’s slight smile lifts his face. “I somehow doubt that.”

"Actually," Jared whispers. "You wanna know a secret?"

Jensen tilts his head in a sign of assent.

"The best spot is actually around the front of the console."

Jensen's dubious. 

Jared moves around Felicia's station, curls his index finger at Jensen and stoops down. 

There's about seven feet of carpet between the equipment and the glass and beanbag chairs line the wall of consoles. There's just enough room for Jared to stretch out on the floor and if he situates himself just right, the glass is curved above his head so it feels like he's floating in space. 

He's sitting cross legged on the fluffiest cushion when Jensen rounds the counter with an astonished expression on his face. 

Jared smiles, "Cool, huh?"

Jensen kneels down and settles in to one of the beanbags and when he looks up, his green eyes spark. 

Jared nods. "It's like--"

"I'm flying without a ship," Jensen concludes. 

A shiver curls along the back of Jared's neck. He's never heard it expressed quite so perfectly before. He agrees with a soft sigh. 

They're quiet for a while, counting stars and listening to the low hum of the ship's monitors. 

Jared tries super hard to be casual about it -- which usually means he's far from it -- but he sneaks a few glances at Jensen now and then. He can't help it. Jensen's skin almost glows subtly in the dim lighting and Jared's somewhat shocked to find the other man has amazingly long eyelashes that Jared swears must brush his cheekbones every time Jensen blinks.

Jared very much wants to trace the line of fine hairs to see how soft they would be against his skin. He bites back the urge and takes notice to Jensen's fingers moving, fluttering across his thighs in what looks like a pattern. 

"Can I ask you a question?" Jared whispers, trying to distract himself from the need to touch. 

He senses the slight tension pull along Jensen's shoulder, but the other man murmurs, "Sure."

"What are you doing there?" Jared points to Jensen's hands. 

Jensen jolts, hard, like a bullet sears his flesh. "Uh, that's...just a weird tick." He shakes out his fingers and slides them under his legs. 

Jared frowns, "It looks like there's a purpose to it, though."

"Nah, just me being dumb." 

Jared can tell there's something far more to it than the simple explanation Jensen's giving. The words carry more than a little note of pain. Jared shrugs, going for nonchalant. "It may sound kind of crazy, but you can tell me if you want. I mean, I know we don't know each other...at all, really, but I've been told I'm a pretty good listener."

And with that, he sprawls out so that his socks almost reach the glass and he's supported by his favorite beanbag. 

It's probably ten good minutes later when there's a super soft, "piano," from Jensen's side.

Jared rolls his head to his right and Jensen appears much more relaxed and his fingers are back out against his thighs. Gorgeous fingers. Strong, sure, and Jared even likes the nails, cut short and not bitten. 

"What?" Jared asks, voice muted. 

Jensen leans back, but doesn't look over. "I play...used to play...the piano."

"Yeah?"

Jensen nods. "Was a long time ago, but I still remember." He shrugs. "Sometimes I..."

A full minute of silence passes and Jared takes a chance and breaks it, "Sometimes you what?"

Jensen inhales. "Sometimes I compose songs in my head. I can still hear the notes and my fingers...they know where they should go."

"So it's like the keys are on your leg?"

Jensen's embarrassed and Jared's never wanted to reach out to another being more in his entire life. 

"I just," Jensen's tone is flustered. "yeah, it's like the keys are right there. Lame, I know."

"Actually," Jared turns onto his side, propping his cheek on his palm, making the beanbag squeak. "I think it's pretty cool. I never played an instrument, but was always amazed by people who could. Chris plays the guitar sometimes. You should see if the two of you can jam."

Jensen's frozen next to him and staring like Jared has grown a second head. "It's not cool, Jared. It's just a distraction."

"What's wrong with a little distraction?" Jared wonders around a smile. "So why don't you play anymore?"

Jensen's still a little dazed by something. "There was a g-guy."

Jared huffs. "There usually is. What happened?"

"He..." Jensen swallows audibly. "...didn't like me playing."

This is a new one. "He didn't like you playing piano? For real?"

Jensen clears his throat, "He thought it was frivolous. That I should f-focus on my career path and not pointless endeavors."

There's a funny feeling in Jared's stomach, painful and bitter at the same time. Like there's way more to this story than Jensen's telling. Like once Jared finds out what that way more is, he's probably gonna want to do bodily harm to this "guy." He inhales and tries to get his thoughts out, "That's...kind of insane. Music is...man, I don't know, a real part of life. Or at least it should be. And if you've got a talent like that, and you like it, you should damn well be able to do it whenever you want."

Jensen's eyes look wet before he blinks it away. 

Jared's gotta know. "Please tell me you're not still with this guy."

Jensen shakes his head. "N-No. Definitely not."

A little bit of the sour taste in Jared's mouth recedes a bit. "Good. You don't need that in your life. You should be with someone that...I don't know, lifts you up. Let's you be you. 'Cause I know it hasn't really been a full week that we've known each other, but I think you're pretty fucking cool."

Jensen's fingers tremble over his thighs and he's watching Jared like he's going to disappear in the next thirty seconds. And in the very next moment, he's standing, fumbling around and saying, "Thanks for sh-showing me this...I, um, I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna h-head back..."

Like a quick breeze, he's gone. 

Jared only has the stars to ask what the fuck had just happened.   
   
**

Polanade is a gaseous planet, first colonized by the Krevyavicks, a reptilian-like race that doesn't breathe oxygen, so the colony initially thrived, but the limited population quickly plateaued. Once they realized they could have a far bigger planet if they made the atmosphere a bit more inhabitable, they created a dome-like structure to pump in oxygen and other gases and welcomed other creatures. 

And it worked. For a time. 

But, as is the nature of gathering more and more species together, divisions started creating rivalries and now the planet teeters somewhat precariously on what some folks are suggesting could be a civil war. 

Jared tells his crew to keep their eyes open and watch their backs. They're here to get the supply run and that's it. In and out. One and done. 

Docking under the dome takes time and is accessible only be the most easy to navigate ships — they don’t want some transport vessel to blow a hole in the dome.

That would be bad for pretty much everyone.

Felicia get them through the docking process and has no trouble finding a port for the ship.

The atmosphere has an odd tension when they debark. Jared can’t put his finger on it, but it feels like every being on the street is assessing them. All the time.

It’s more than a little unnerving.

A hand on his elbow turns him around and it’s Jensen, with his pack over his shoulder and his large coat swallowing practically his entire body. “Thanks…for the ride and the food and, everything,” he says.

It’s like the ground just dropped out from under Jared and he needs a second to catch his breath. Jensen’s leaving?

Chris passes by, gauges the scene in a split second and says, “I’m gonna go get us a job, Jay. You…make sure this,” he motions to Jensen, “doesn’t happen.”

Jared nods and somehow, knowing Chris doesn’t want to leave Jensen here bolsters Jared’s conviction.

When he turns to discuss all this with Jensen, he finds the other man halfway down the street.

Gods, the man can move when he wants to.

Jared catches up in a few blocks and he shuffles to the front of Jensen, stopping him in his tracks. “So, listen, I discussed it with the crew and we think we need another man for our next job.”

Jensen blinks, shakes his head and moves around Jared.

Jared follows. “Seriously. It’s gonna be a little tough and we need more help than we have. Whaddya say?”

Jensen huffs and turns around. “What is it?”

Jared frowns, “Huh?”

“The job. What is it?”

“Oh,” Jared says. “Yeah, the job. It’s a tough one. Need a lot of people.”

Jensen looks doubtful. “Where’s this tough job taking you?”

“Um,” _pick a planet, any planet_ , “Draklavia. They have an outpost in need of…food,” yeah, food’s good. It helps people.

“Is this particularly heavy food?”

Jared’s confused. “I’m not really sure…”

“Just wondering why you would need so many people to take food to Draklavia. Seems like a pretty easy job.”

Jared opens his mouth to further spin the yarn when he sees red. Not, like a haze over his eyes, but literal red.

There must be twenty or thirty Dominion guards headed down the street right at them.

He doesn’t think, just grabs fistfuls of Jensen’s jacket and yanks the other man out of the street and against then nearest building.

Between the oversized coat and Jared’s body, he thinks he does a pretty decent job of hiding Jensen.

Jensen’s bag drops to the ground and he grunts out, “Jared, what the hell?”

“Shhhh,” Jared whispers. “Take a look over my right shoulder. Carefully.”

Despite the thickness of the jacket, Jared knows Jensen sees the soldiers when his body goes rigid and he shrinks into Jared’s chest.

“It’s okay,” Jared assures. “They didn’t see us.”

“How do y-you know?”

The catch in Jensen’s voice rips at Jared in more ways than he’d like to admit.

“There are too many people on the streets, Jensen. There’s no way they saw us.”

He hopes.

“Hang on,” Jared murmurs, and he turns them so he’s the one against the wall and Jensen’s still hidden by his coat.

The officers seem to be attempting some kind of march in what Jared can only assume is a display of might and power. The Krevyavicks and other creatures don’t seem to be impressed.

Jared has to wonder why the Dominion would be interested in taking charge of Polanade when it’s on the brink of a civil war.

Odd.

Jensen makes a noise, a small one and Jared pulls him in tighter. “It’s okay, seriously. They’re moving right by us. They don’t even know we’re here. Okay, Jensen?”

He feels the other man nod and holds on a little longer.

When the red suits can no longer be seen, he says, “They’re gone. We’re good.”

Jensen pulls back a fraction of an inch at a time. When he makes eye contact, he’s practically shaking. “Th-thanks.”

Jared nods.

Jensen inhales and licks his lips and Jared has no excuse other than he wants to.

He leans in and kisses Jensen again.

And it’s just like he remembers. Gods. Jensen’s lips are firm and soft and just the right amount of wet and for a few breathless moments, he kisses Jared back, actually angles upward, as though this is an outlet for all the fear.

Jared would willingly be that outlet.

Jared spider-walks his fingers along the sides of Jensen’s jacket, bringing the other man even closer and there’s that sound, that soft little noise that Jensen made last time that goes straight to Jared’s dick.

They both gasp apart and Jensen’s lips are a little red and so plump and fuck all, it takes a hell of a lot for Jared not to just dive right back in.

“Jared…” Jensen whispers.

“We’re going back to the ship, okay? You’re not staying here.”

There are a few precious seconds where Jared can almost see Jensen getting ready to put together some kind of argument, but his eyes also hold gratitude and he nods slowly.

Jared can’t help it. He goes for one, last, brief kiss and murmurs, “Grab your bag and stay close.”

The taste of Jensen lingers on Jared’s mouth as he navigates the streets of Polanade, Jensen right on his heels.

They make it to the ship without seeing another Dominion guard and release a collective breath when they’re inside the cargo bay.

Chris and the crew return maybe a half an hour later to announce that they got the job and need to make a supply run to Rostafar.

Chris looks to Jensen and nods at Jared. And that’s the end of that.

Jared’s just damn happy when the goods are tucked away and they’re back in the air to make the run.

He settles into a chair on the bridge and watches Jensen as they ascend past the atmosphere and he’s suddenly somewhat giddy that he can’t help making suggestions to Felicia on the quickest route to their destination.

"Jared, how long have I been flying?" Felicia questions. 

"I know you want me to say for longer than I've been born, but you're younger than me, so it won't work," Jared sticks out his tongue. 

"Do I not have the fastest record in collegiate history?" Felicia smirks. 

That one hurt. Pilot scores were a serious rivalry between their two universities. 

"So far," Jared rolls his eyes at Jensen. 

The argument continues even after they get into space and settle in on their course.

“You fly boys think you’ve got it all sewn up and then a girl shows up with more brains than you’ll ever have and you can’t handle it,” Felicia kicks back in her chair with a smug smile.

“Hey, you know I’ve got mad respect for you and your skills, I’m just saying that your record was a one-time deal. Records are made to be beaten, Fel.”

“Whatever. You just can’t handle my awesomeness.”

Jared chuckles, “You’re right on that one.”

"I don't mean to interrupt this quaint moment we're having here, but I think we've got a tail," Genevieve's got her eyes locked on her screen and Jared can tell by her expression this isn't good. 

"Who?" he asks.

Gen shrugs. "Can't be certain at this distance, but I'm guessing the Dominion followed us."

It's only because he's sitting within Jensen's eyeline that Jared can see the look of almost palpable terror on the other man's face. It makes his chest hurt and he pitches his voice low and tries to reach for a calm he absolutely doesn't feel. "If they're that far away, let's get the hell out of here. Fel, aim us in the opposite direction." He stands up, takes a step around Jensen, and slams the intercom for engineering. "Aldis, we're gonna have to use up some of that fuel reserve you got for us."

It takes Aldis about twenty seconds to hit the button to respond. "Heard. You'll have it."

Jared turns back to Felicia. "Nice and slow, Fel. Let's not look like we know they're even back there."

She nods and settles into the seat, eyeing the instruments and the rear scanner, flipping switches and levers like the pro she is.  

"Jared," Gen warns. 

He sighs. "I know. Just let me know if they make a move."

Jared watches Jensen reach out to put a hand against the communication console and his fingers shake. When they get out of this, Jensen's going to explain. A lot. 

The lurch of the ship causes everyone to replant their feet to stay upright. 

Gen's sarcastic voice follows, "They made a move."

Jared huffs exasperation and steps back to the comm. "Aldis?"

"She's ready, Jay, but this might do more harm than good."

"What's that mean?" he asks. 

"It's a tractor beam," Gen supplies. "From a ship that size, we're not gonna be able to pull out of it."

Aldis adds. "Probably rip us apart even to try."

Already, a rather alarming grinding sound can be heard from the belly of the ship even at their slow acceleration. 

 _Fuck._  

Jared breathes for the space of fifteen seconds before flipping the switch to all-call. "Guys, our friends at the Dominion apparently really have an overwhelming need to talk to us. To the point where they're literally dragging us to them. We're not gonna fight." And Jared knows Aldis follows the words even over the comm when the laboring sounds from the engine fall silent and there's an almost tangible release. "They'll likely wanna board us, so be prepared. Shouldn't take too long."

He cuts off the intercom and turns to Jensen, who is outright panting, both his hands now against the metal of the console show heavy signs of pressure. His eyes, what Jared can see of them, glow a striking emerald color -- deeper than he's ever seen before. It's odd and somewhat disconcerting. 

"Jensen?" he whispers. 

It's clear the other man either can't hear him or can't comprehend the words, Jared's not certain which. Gen and Felicia look to him and Jared shrugs, out of his depth with this and utterly uncertain. 

No one speaks and Jared swears he can feel the inexorable pull backward, toward the Dominion cruiser. Inevitable and daunting. 

Jensen clenches his jaw and his breathing turns labored, wet hisses, lungs billowing and sweat sliding down his temples. 

Jared takes a step forward, only to be stopped by Gen's quiet voice. "Wait."

She's intent on the controls, brown eyes skipping across the blinking lights and suddenly her expressions shifts to something of wonder. 

There's a give, an almost silent exhale from the ship and a curious feeling of being adrift. 

"Gen?"

She shakes her head, even as she's pressing buttons and monitoring conditions. "It's...we're..."

Jared keeps one eye on Jensen, really wanting to touch, but heeding the words of his communications specialist. 

"We just fell off their scanners," Gen states. 

Jared frowns. "We what?"

Gen doesn't look up when she mumbles, "Did I stutter?"

"Gen, seriously."

She's obviously astounded. "Seriously, I don't know, but," she spares a sidelong glance at Jensen and her voice is awestruck, "by the souls of the deities, it's like we're...cloaked or something."

Felicia glances to her controls and says, "We seem to have stopped moving toward them."

Jared can't help but ask, "We don't have a cloaking device, do we?"

Gen huffs. "Probably something the crew would have shared with you, don't you think?"

Jared ignores the barb, "Fel? Can you get us out of here?"

Felicia sighs and hesitantly reaches for the ship's navigation panel. "I can try."

Jared braces himself for another pull from the tractor beam, and when nothing happens, he exhales and whispers, "Slow and steady..."

Felicia finishes, "...wins the race."

It's too leisurely, especially given the fact that Jared wants to get the hell out of Dominion radar, but he knows they have to be careful here. Felicia creeps the ship away and Jared turns to Gen. 

She still looks shocked. "It's like they can't read us at all."

Jensen's sudden shout is painful in its ferocity and he falls to his knees without releasing the console. "J-just go," he heaves, muscles standing out in sharp relief, head against the instruments. "I c-can't...h-hold..."

Jared slams the comm, "Aldis, we need all you've got right now."

The answer is immediate, "We running?"

"Fast as you can, gingerbread man," Jared replies while turning to Felicia. "Get us out of here, Fel. Now."

The sound and feel of immediate acceleration assuages Jared's frayed nerves, but knowing they're not done yet, he hovers near Jensen and says to Gen, "Tell me when we're completely out of range."

The next few minutes hang in the air like thick vapor and the only sounds are that of Jensen's heavy, strained breathing and the ship's engine humming with speed. 

"They look like they're following?" Jared asks in a quiet tone. 

Gen shakes her head. "It's like they have no idea where we went."

Jared nods and wants very much to put just a hand on Jensen's shoulder to let the other man know he's not alone, but Gen's got one eye on the panel and one eye on him and he knows she's just chomping at the bit to admonish him again. 

He's never been happier to hear her say, "We're out of range."

Jared leans down, "Jensen?"

Jensen slumps away from the console, hands dropping to the floor and it's only then that Jared notices the blood. Fuck. He puts his palm firmly between Jensen's shoulder blades with a soft, "Hey, how about you look at me?"

Jensen follows the suggestions sluggishly and when he makes eye contact, Jared just barely manages to choke back his reaction to the pallor of Jensen's skin. Jensen reaches up to his own nose and when his fingers come back bloody, he wheezes out on a wisp of air, "That's new..." and his entire body crumples.

It's only Jared's fast reflexes that keep Jensen from cracking his head on the panel. 

Jared's got the back of Jensen's neck cradled in his palm when Gen warns, "Don't move him."

"Get Chris up here. Now." Jared directs. 

He's trying -- without much luck -- to staunch the flow of blood with his shirt when Chris kneels down beside him. 

Jared's voice falters for a second, "H-help..."

"Jared, he's not a cat, I don't..."

"Please, Chris."

And in a blink, Chris shifts into the serious medical professional Jared knows him to be. He checks vitals as best he can -- pulse, eyes, gums and declares Jensen's at the very least in some serious shock. "We should elevate his feet, but I don't want him choking on that blood, either," Chris decides. "Let's...get him on his side at least. Slowly."

It's torture trying to shift Jensen around when he's unconscious and not cause unknown, irreparable damage. 

Once he's on his side with his feet as elevated as they can get them, Chris shakes his head. "How close are we to Hopewell?"

Jared glances up. "Gen?"

Gen flips a switch on the display. "I'd say maybe two hours."

Jared turns to his pilot. "Fel, you think you can shave any time off that?"

Felicia nods. "Most definitely."

**

Hopewell is a small city on a planet very much off the radar of just about any star system in any galaxy. But it boasts three incredible medical talents -- Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Misha Collins and Danneel Harris. 

The three of them prefer their anonymity and maintaining a viable source for travelers in need that's outside of Dominion space and authority. The fact that the appearance of the city mirrors that of pioneer towns from Earth's long-ago history helps preserve the idea that there's nothing of any importance or merit here. 

Only few people know the dirt and dust and wooden plank floors hide an underground medical facility that would rival that of some of the richest systems and powers in seven galaxies. 

Felicia makes good on her promise to get them there in well under two hours and while some of Jensen's color is returning, he still hasn't regained consciousness. 

They also haven't moved him from the floor of the bridge. He's wrapped in a heat generating blanket, but other than that, he's still in the same spot where he fell. 

Felicia parks the ship just on the outskirts of the disheveled town and Jared wastes no time in getting through the crowds to the only bar on the street. A haze of grit follows him inside and he has to blink a few times before he can make out the interior. He's so grateful to see Tom Welling pouring what looks like whiskey into a shot glass, his knees nearly buckle. 

His landing against the bar is far from graceful. "Tom, thank the gods. I need to see Jeff."

Tom's Tardashian heritage intimidates a number of beings, but his overwhelming bulk and height and strength never bothered Jared. Plus, Jared's attention rests solely on helping the unconscious man on the bridge of his ship. 

Tom must see something in Jared's expression because he doesn't utter a word and just pushes the button beneath the bar and says, "It's Jared."

The back door opens what feels like a handful of minutes later and there's Jeff, brown eyes and salt-and-pepper hair and beard with a welcoming smile, and for the first time since he brought a green-eyed stranger onto his ship Jared's eyes burn and he thinks he could seriously break down right here against the polished wood of the bar without much provocation. 

Jared studied science under professor Morgan when he was a teenager and he's always kind of been like a second father and the paternal sensation has never been more appreciated. 

Jeff must discern the severity here because he immediately asks, "What's wrong?"

"I need your help. And a stretcher."

Jeff asks no questions and pushes a button on the communication device attached to his shoulder and after a few words, Tom, Misha, Danneel and Jeff are heading to the ship while Jared's trying to explain what he'd just witnessed. 

"And this Jensen never told you anything about himself?" Jeff wants to know. 

"Nothing that would even hint that he could cloak an entire ship."

Chris is still monitoring the situation when they arrive. Silent greetings are made with head tilts and chin bobs and Jeff leans down to assess the patient. Within seconds, he says, "We have to get him to a bed so I can figure out what's going on. I need the equipment downstairs."

Getting Jensen from the floor to the stretcher with painstaking care are quite literally some of the worst seconds of Jared's life. He knows they need the monitors and medicines, but every instinct he has is virtually screaming not to move Jensen an inch. Thankfully the stretcher is one that hovers a few feet off the ground, making transitions much smoother for seriously injured patients. 

He's amazed Jensen's still breathing once they get him hooked up in the infirmary and start cutting the clothes off his body. 

Jared never leaves the room and after about a half an hour decides his litany of questions only gets him irritated glances and no further information, so he stops and just watches Jensen's face for any sign of awareness. 

What he wouldn't give to see those green eyes look up from that pillow. 

Jared knows they know something when Misha and Danneel share a pointed glance with Jeff, gather up a bunch of papers and leave the room. 

Jeff moves around the foot of the bed and asks, "How much has he told you, seriously?"

Jared shakes his head. "Not much. I knew he must have had some issues with the Dominion, but other than that, he just needed a ride."

Jeff's narrow-eyes expression mirrors his tone, "And you took him on board your ship anyway?"

Jared huffs, "Jeff, I just don't think he's a bad guy. He needed help and I had a ship and it seemed like..." He shrugs. 

Fuck, he doesn't need a lecture right now.

"Might be a good idea to vet the people who will be sleeping in the same space as you. Just a thought."

A prickly sensation sizzles in Jared's stomach. "Why? What did you find?"

For the first time, Jeff breaks eye contact. "Obviously, all I could do was a physical exam. We'll know more once he's awake. But, Jared, he's..."

It takes everything in Jared's power not to physically shake the answers out of the other man. "He's what?"

Jeff flips through the pages in his hands. "I'm not even sure where to start. He's got...scarring."

The white pages twist around in seemingly some kind of pattern, and Jared's staring intently, thinking if he concentrates hard enough, he can read something from the random numbers about what's going on with Jensen. 

Jeff continues, "It looks like," he sighs. "By the gods, Jared, if I didn't know any better, I'd say it looks like he was hooked up to every machine known to any creature in any galaxy."

Jared frowns, "Why would someone do that?"

Jeff drags a hand down his face, scraping his beard. "The only thing I can come up with is some kind of...experimentation or something."

Ice congeals in Jared's stomach. "What? I don't..."

"Jensen's not entirely human."

When Jared was a kid, he grew up near an old, run down amusement park that operated solely because some of the elders in town wanted to preserve the nostalgia of days gone by. He's not completely sure how they did it, but most of the rides still worked. One of his favorites was called the Tilt-a-Whirl -- an egg-shaped car spun on a circular track and as the entire ride moved around, you'd be jostled back and forth at a whim. One minute, the car would tilt left and the next, it would go right. 

You couldn't anticipate which way it would spin and it was always a shock which direction you'd go. 

Jared feels like his life has suddenly taken a turn in the opposite direction. "What -- what is he?"

"I'm thinking he's part Terryn. He's got some of the markers in his blood and if you look close enough under the right lighting, his skin has somewhat of a golden sheen to it." Jeff shrugs again. "Like I said, we'll know more when he wakes up, but from what I can tell, he's got a mix of human and Terryn cells and my guess would be the Dominion would be very interested in seeing what makes someone like that tick."

"What do you mean?"

Jeff sighs, "There have been recent rumblings from some of the visitors we've seen that the Dominion is looking to...branch out, so to speak. I don't know if they just want knowledge or if they're out for something more beneficial to them."

Jared's back to staring at the pale man on the bed. "So they take people to see what they can do?"

"That's the rumor, yeah."

"And Jensen was..."

Jeff doesn't reply. He doesn't need to. Under the bright lights in the infirmary, Jared can see the marks on Jensen's skin. The wounds that had scabbed over -- and those are just on his shoulders and arms, visible above the sheet. 

No wonder he didn't want anything to do with the Dominion. Trying to ignore the queasy feeling in his stomach at what Jensen must have gone through, he asks, "What do you think the Dominion want?"

Jeff inhales. "I think they want what they've always wanted -- power. And I think if they could, they'd like to rule over every galaxy in the universe. In order to do that, they have to know what's out there. And once they figure that out, they'll use the information they find to their advantage. They've never really cared who or what they had to go through to get what they want. If Jensen has some kind of abilities that would be helpful to them -- the ability to cloak a ship, let's say -- then they're going to want to exploit that in any way they can."

"But..." Jared loses words for the unfairness, the injustice, the abject abuse. 

Jeff shakes his head. "Yeah. It's complete shit. And why some of us do everything we can to fight that kind of tyranny."

And Jared gets what Jeff, Misha and Danneel have been doing with sudden, crystal clarity. Probably for the first time in his life. 

**

Consciousness is weird.

To go from the black, the unknowing, to being sort of aware to somewhat seeing white walls  -- all in the span of a few seconds -- is disconcerting, to put it mildly. 

The dawning realization of being in a hospital bed jacks Jensen's heart to rabbit speed, but he doesn't move a muscle. 

Every cell in his body wants to scream. He can feel the need and the calling to the very depth of his soul. He doesn't have a clue how it happened, but it's obvious he's back, needles sticking out of his arm and monitors beeping near his head. 

The Dominion found him and he's once again a laboratory experiment. 

His stomach rolls and he thinks, _fuck I can't puke. They'll know I'm awake_. 

He clenches his teeth tight and keeps the bile back by sheer will. 

It's odd that he's not strapped down. If these interplanetary bastards think he's too docile to make a break for it, they're dumber than he ever thought them to be. 

Through slits in his eyelids, he sees the room is empty, and it's different than before. Certainly more comfortable and inviting, but that's probably just to fuck with his head. 

He knows they've got surveillance on him at all times so this escape will have to focus on haste instead of stealth. 

He rests for a bit, taking inventory on any aches and pains he's got and surprisingly, he's good, and the only needle in his arm is attached to what he assumes is a fluid bag, but he can't be sure. He can feel electrodes taped to his chest, but he knows they come off pretty easily if they're not connected to veins. 

He figures once he starts ripping everything out, he'll probably have only minutes before they come after him. 

Unfortunately -- or typically in this case -- the room doesn't have any windows, so he's going to have to go out into the corridor without knowing what's waiting for him to get out. 

It's not gonna be pretty, but he'll be damned if he's staying here without one hell of a fight. 

He waits a few more minutes, trying to garner as much strength as he's able, and then he sits up and starts yanking. 

Dizziness hits as soon as he's upright, but he pushes through it, can't afford to stop now that the motion must have alerted someone. He knows he pulls a few chest hairs out with the electrodes, but the flashes of pain help focus him. The IV in his arm slides out with one quick pull, despite the momentary burn. 

Once he's on his feet he notices he's wearing only a hospital gown and has to grab the wall to stay upright. 

Fuck. This will take more coordination than he thought. 

A little voice whispers _more than you'll be able to give_ , but he steadfastly ignores it and spider-walks his hands along the wall until he gets to the door. 

It's odd that no one has swarmed the room, but it's just like the Dominion to give him some elation at the possibility of being successful here. 

A quick peek out the tiniest opening of the door shows just a hallway with rooms, but no nurses station or computers and no person in sight.

With a deep breath and an impulsive prayer to whatever deity might by chance be listening and give a flying fuck about him, he slips out, turning immediately around to find one woman heading at him in an otherwise empty corridor. 

She's human with long auburn hair and a _don't mess with me_ walk that instantly sends Jensen in the opposite direction. 

"You're going to want to get back to bed," she suggests in a smooth voice behind him.

Jensen ignores her and moves as quickly as he's able while hanging desperately onto the wall. He hears her murmur something like _get Jared down here_ and that's even more bizarre than this poorly manned Dominion lab. 

The air is cold on his exposed skin and feet and he knows he's likely moving ridiculously slowly, but he refuses to stop even when his balance and motor skills decide to tilt rather alarmingly. 

Two men turn the corner in front of him and they must be new hires -- he's never seen them before -- and despite the fact that they both wear matching compassionate expressions, an odd thing for most of the humans in Dominion territory, he stops and considers going back to face the woman, but knows he's probably more screwed with her. She seemed insanely badass. 

He props himself up with the wall and holds out a hand. 

"It's okay," says the bearded man. "Let's see if we can get you calmed down."

Injections and drugs and losing control of his own mind flash in memory and he can't be sure, but he thinks he might whimper and he knows these fucking bastards will just love that but it's been so long and he'd been so free and there had been dimples and kindness and shoulder-length hair and this adorable smile he could get lost in and he doesn't want to go back to an existence that doesn't include that. 

As though materializing from his very thoughts, he turns around to find Jared sliding around the woman with a warm look on his gorgeous face and Jensen forgets himself for a second and smiles and leans toward Jared, thinking, _okay, now things will work out_ only to jerk back in the next second. 

No, no, no. Jared can't be here. The can't have Jared, too. 

They can't. 

He reaches out just as Jared gets to within touching distance and whispers, "Jared, you can't b-be here..."

"Hey," Jared murmurs. "What're you doing up?"

Jensen blinks even as he sways closer into Jared's orbit. "M'getting outta here."

"Okay," Jared's speaking like Jensen's three years old and running away from home. "I can help you. Let's just go back here."

And a searing coldness so much worse than the floor on his bare feet blasts through him. 

Jared isn't...

He didn't...

He's not...Dominion, is he? 

Jensen's vision darkens at the edges and this may be it, this may be what finally finishes him for good. He falls forward against Jared's chest with a quiet, "Jared, no..."

He thinks he hears Jared say, "I got you, baby," but he's not sure. 

He's not sure of any damn thing anymore. 

**

The second time Jensen regains consciousness, he knows instantly he's not alone. He's fairly certain he's in the same room and he's got the IV back in his arm and the electrodes back on his chest, but that's all he can be certain of without opening his eyes. 

And he's not sure he ever wants to do that again. He doesn't want to see what has quickly become his biggest fear -- that Jared is somehow connected to the Dominion and brought him back to the lab. 

It would be the best cosmic joke in Jensen's thirty-five years of existence and that includes his heritage and subsequent lab rat status. 

And it would be his own fucking fault for letting himself -- even for a few, blessed seconds -- consider that there could be any other way for him. 

A hand connects to his forearm with a murmured, "hey," and Jensen flinches. 

He knows the kindness is a fucking joke. They're just waiting to land the punchline. 

"We know you're awake, Jensen. It's okay."

And despite it all, despite that every instinct Jensen has is screaming at him for being the fool he is, there's this dumb, ridiculous part of him -- that he apparently can't control -- that wants nothing more than to believe the tone of Jared's voice, the caring, the fondness, the concern. He wants the safety and security it promises, even though he knows -- _he fucking knows_ \-- it's not real. 

He's learned absolutely nothing. And that's the worst realization of them all. 

Jensen inhales and does what he doesn't want to do -- faces the truth of what his life has become. 

He opens his eyes. 

Jared's there, with his hand wrapped around Jensen's arm and the two men and woman stand at the foot of his bed. The older man has a clipboard and is looking over papers there and the other two seem rather intent on the monitors beeping over his head. 

Jared's hazel eyes hold what looks like a real warmth and worry. "Hi."

Jensen doesn't say a word. 

"You freaked us out a little, Jensen."

Gods, why don't they just get on with it? Toying with him is definitely new. He could set his watch to the Dominion's expedience. They never had time for anything other than gleaning the information they sought. 

Jared sighs. "Okay, you freaked us out a lot. Me in particular."

Four sets of eyes seem to be waiting for a response. Jensen refuses to give them the pleasure. 

"You know, we don't know what this really did to him," the gruff voice comes from the older man. "It's possible he can't speak anymore."

Jared's eyes widen. "But, Jeff, he spoke to me in the hall a half an hour ago right before he passed out. I heard him."

Jensen catalogs that information. He'd been out for thirty minutes. 

The guy named Jeff shrugs. "Maybe it can come and go. I really can't say. The ability for speech isn't something I can get from bloodwork."

Jensen frowns. This is some kind of fucked up. The joke's gone on long enough. They should have gotten on with the tests already. It's not like the Dominion to waste this much time. 

"Jensen?" Jared whispers. "Can you talk for me again?"

Jensen stares into Jared's hazel eyes, thinking if he looks closely enough, he's gotta be able to figure out Jared's plan here. He's somehow gotta be able to see how he was so easily duped. Again. 

Gods. _Fucking again_. 

Jared moves his hand to the inside of Jensen's elbow and fuck the suns of every galaxy, Jensen shivers at the touch. He inhales quickly and has never wanted to be able to quell his reactions to one man before. 

Seemingly unaware of what he's doing, Jared says, "Can you try to talk?"

Fuck this shit. Jensen clears his throat. "Is talking part of the experiments this time?"

Jared looks legitimately confused. "What experiments?"

"What fucking game are you playing, Jared? I know this is a Dominion hospital and you obviously work for them and sold me out." He looks to the people at the foot of the bed. "You all do, so let's just get on with it, okay? You want me to talk? See what your instruments make me feel like or some shit so you can write it all down on your little clipboards? Fine. Just do it."

He drops his head back on the pillow and faces the ceiling, running through the musical scales in his head, working to ignore anything that's about to happen. 

There's probably a full minute of silence. 

"Jen-sen?"

It's the stupid catch in Jared's voice that does it. That bizarre, choking stumble, laced with an emotion Jensen has never heard from a Dominion officer ever before. It makes him look back to Jared and what he sees makes absolutely no sense.  

All the color has drained from Jared's face and he appears truly grief-stricken as he pulls away. "Jensen, I wouldn't...that's not."

Jeff steps up to the other side of the bed. "Okay, it's clear you have your faculties, Jensen. Allow me to make the introductions. I'm Jeffrey Dean Morgan and these are my associates, Misha Collins and Danneel Harris," he motions to the other two people who move to the other side of the bed. "We run this facility below the town of Hopewell on the outskirts of everything Dominion. We're here to help people and we do a damn good job. We have some of the best equipment money can buy or -- in most cases -- kindhearted people were willing to donate. Jared brought you here after you did some pretty amazing stuff with his ship to try to save your life. Thankfully, he did. You've been out for a few days and near as I can tell, you needed the fluids we've given you and you're doing pretty well. No one here is Dominion. And before you think this is some kind of trick to screw with your head, have they ever been anything other than efficient and economical with anything they've ever done? Have you ever known them to take this much time with anything, even a joke? Fuck, have you ever known them to joke?"

With each word, mortification bleeds into Jensen's veins. Damn, he may have really fucked this shit up. "I..."

Jeff nods. "That's what I thought. We'll let you get some rest, but we're going to want to have a talk with you very soon. I'll arrange to get you some dinner."

Jensen searches out Jared to apologize, but he's no longer in the room. 

Damn it. 

**

Despite his hunger and the surprising flavor of the food, Jensen can’t eat more than a few bites without his stomach rolling. 

He can’t forget the look on Jared’s face. 

The guilt threatens to choke him again just as the door opens. Jeff, Misha, Danneel and thank the gods, Jared, walk in. 

Hope flairs in Jensen’s chest and he can’t help his smile. 

Jared won’t make eye contact, though. 

The four of them pull chairs up around the bed and Jensen notices what he can only assume is the deliberate distance Jared chooses. 

What Jensen wouldn’t give for a return of Jared’s hand on his forearm. 

Jeff clears his throat and gestures to Jensen’s plate. “Would you prefer something else?” 

Jensen shakes his head. “No, the meal was fine. I’m just…” he risks a glance at Jared. “Not all that hungry.”

Misha makes a note on a piece of paper and pulls the tray away. Jeff speaks again, “So, Jensen. Do you feel up to talking with us?”

Jensen nods, grateful that while Jared’s a few feet away, at least he’s in the room and can hear the explanations. 

Despite the agony he knows he’s about to relive, for the first time in so many years, he wants to tell people about it. 

It’s a bizarre feeling. 

“Why don’t you start with where you’re from,” Jeff suggests. “The blood work we did showed some Terryn markers.”

Jensen nods and inhales. And takes himself back to his childhood. “My mom is Terryn. Still lives there, as far as I know. My father is human.” Jensen’s fingers move against the blanket over his legs, creating cords and melodies along invisible keys. “His scouting party landed on Terryn about thirty-five years ago. He met mom and they fell in love and I was the result.”

Danneel shifts in her chair. “You say that with a good bit of sarcasm. You don’t believe it?”  

Jensen shrugs. “I never met my father, so if they were so in love, I don’t understand why he would l-leave.” Age-old rejection swirls in his voice, no matter how hard he tries to suppress it. “Mom’s always been…really protective of me, so she wouldn’t tell me everything.” Jensen’s chest twinges for a second and he whispers, “I just hope he didn’t hurt her physically. That’s all.”

There’s almost a collective inhale in the room as that quiet wish is absorbed. 

Jensen shakes his head, “Anyway, it was just me and mom and she worked a lot to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. She’s amazing. I swear I never saw her falter. Not once. And it was tough,” Jensen sighs. “Having me was tough.”

“Why’s that?” Jeff asks. 

Jensen smirks. “Half-breed. S’what they loved to call me in school. Without the obvious golden Terryn skin, I stood out. Literally. Couldn’t miss the kid with the pasty human flesh.”

The taunts from the playground still whisper through his head and his dreams. 

“But, I made it through. Graduated at the top of my class. I had plans,” _stupid plans_ , “I was gonna break away from the Terryn system. Get out on my own, see the other planets and galaxies. I found a school that focused on music, but it was in the Scardavian system.”

Misha’s eyebrows lift. “Music?”

Jensen’s muscles loosen a bit. “Piano. I taught myself to play. There was a restaurant near our house and the owner, Ms. Ferris, gods, she was awesome. She had this old piano — I actually don’t know where she ever got it — and she’d let me mess around and eventually,” Jensen shrugs, not wanting to brag, but damn it was so cool to play for an audience, “the Terryns started to come to have dinner and to hear me play. I mean, it wasn’t a lot of them because most of them didn’t really understand the appeal of music, but by the end, the crowds were getting pretty big.”

“I have a friend who’s Terryn and he sings,” Jeff muses. “Damn well, actually. Last I heard, he was working on a digital recording contract with a pretty big label somewhere in the Milky Way galaxy. Might be Earth for all I know.”

Jensen frowns. “Really?”

“Yeah. He’s got a heck of a voice.”

It’s funny when long held beliefs shift inside. Jensen feels itchy, like he may have missed something that had been in front of his face for a long while. 

“Did you go to the music school?” Danneel asks. 

Jensen closes his eyes for a few seconds and the tune playing out in his fingers turns melancholy in his head. “I was saving up the money. Did odd jobs around the town, mainly from people who were okay with hiring a half-breed. I was almost ready, though. Almost had enough.”

The cord he hits with his left hand is an ominous one.

“What happened?” Misha questions. 

“A Terryn named Mark happened.”

There’s a creak from Jared’s side of the room. It’s the only indication he has that Jared’s still there. Still listening. 

“Mark Pelligrino was a real charmer, especially for a Terryn. Most of the ones I’d met were really serious, very studious, really driven. And it’s not like Mark wasn’t all of that. He was. But he also had…charisma.”

Gods, the first time they’d met Jensen had been so captivated by Mark’s golden skin and way with words. He’d thought at one point maybe Mark could put lyrics to his music and they could be a team. 

So, so stupid. 

“We fell in love,” Jensen has no hope of keeping the disdain out of his voice this time. “At least I thought we did. He wanted to make it big, rise up the corporate ladder. He worked for a telecommunications company and he always talked about getting out into other galaxies. Like I said, he was very driven. His career came first and music was…well, in his opinion a needless distraction.”

It pains Jensen to remember how very much he’d loved Mark. How he thought he had found a real partner, someone to share his life with. He’d always known his music was a bit frivolous, and he convinced himself that he needed Mark to keep him grounded. Keep him focused on what really mattered. 

What a ridiculous sap he’d been. 

His stomach clenches, but he keeps going, “Mark always wanted money. It was like…” he clears the hurt clogging his throat, “it was like he never had enough, always wanted more. I figured that was just his drive, that Terryn ambition. But it wasn’t just that.”

His fingers hit discordant notes. 

“The D-Dominion had set up outposts on Terryn a few years earlier. Put everyone on edge. I was used to avoiding, well, pretty much everything, so I managed to stay under the radar. I just made sure I wasn’t wherever they were and I kept to myself. Did pretty well. Went to work, went to see Ms. Ferris, saw mom sometimes and stayed with Mark. It was a nice routine.”

He was at the piano when it happened, his back to the front door. He knew something was up when the hush fell over the crowd. 

Those damn dark red uniforms were the first things he noticed when he’d turned around. He tried to shrink, tried to make himself small, tucked his head down and curled his arms around his body — hide his human skin. 

But they had a mission. They knew who they were after and they knew where to find him. 

He’d been taken to the Dominion ship that day. Didn’t see his mom again, had nothing but the clothes on his back and all he remembers is Ms. Ferris screaming. 

He closes his eyes, wanting the memories gone, but he knows he has to experience it again to retell it. “They found me, though. Couldn’t hide forever. It wasn’t until later, until I was in the lab that I heard what had happened.” It takes a few seconds to find his voice for this one. “Mark had t-told them about me. What I was and where to find me. I hear he got a pretty nice chunk of change for it.”

A muffled noise comes from Jared’s corner and the others appear truly stunned. Danneel covers her mouth with her hand and Misha can’t make eye contact. 

Jeff starts, “Jensen…”

But Jensen keeps talking. “I mean, as far as strategies for money go, that was a pretty damn good one, right? I’m assuming he finally got everything he’d always wanted.” His eyes sting and fuck it all, the last thing he wants to do right now is cry. He blinks rapidly and just has to pick that scab one more time. “I don’t know if he ever really…” 

And that’s it. He can’t finish the thought. He’s always wondered if the whole thing had been a set up from the very beginning. He clenches his jaw tight and exhales long and slow. 

It’s a question that will likely haunt him for the rest of his life. 

“How…” Jeff has to stop and start again. “How did you get out?”

Jensen smiles a little. “There was this kid. His name was Osric. I don’t really even know where he came from, but I can damn sure tell you, he won’t make a very good Dominion officer. Gods, I hope they never figured out he helped me. At least it's good to know there are some decent people on board those ships.” 

Misha asks, “What did he do?”

“He knew the inner workings of the ships and the schedules for pick up and delivery of supplies. I think he was an orderly or something in the labs. There was just something about him. He looked nice. Not stone-faced and cold like the normal officers. So we started talking and when he showed me the plan he’d laid out it scared me to death to even consider it, knowing what could happen, but it also made some kind of bizarre sense. And hell, even as scared as I was, I figured the worst they could do was kill me and..." he sighs, "there was kind of a relief in that. So he helped me get on board one of the supply ships and I never looked back.”

The silence in the room probably lasts for a long three or four minutes. 

Jeff clears his throat. "Um. From the stories I've heard you seem to be gifted with some pretty amazing abilities. Were you born with them?"

Jensen closes his eyes. Of everything, sometimes he thinks this hurts the most. "I, uh..." His voice gets caught for a second and he has to hit a specific chord in his head before he can start again. “I never knew what I could do, really. Not until…until I was taken.”

This information takes a minute or two to settle in to the group. 

He still remembers the shock he felt when one of the electrodes attached to his chest had flashed and a book flew across the room. The realization that something they had done to him had made him do that was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. 

“They would…” his voice fails him for a second, but he knows he’s gotta keep going. “They would basically…flip switches from the control panel and s-something would happen that wouldn’t normally happen. It took a while, but when I figured out it was coming from me, I just…”

He stops. He doesn’t have words to describe it. 

“Most Terryns aren’t telekenetic,” Jeff mentions quietly. “Where do you think the powers came from?”

Jensen shrugs. “I’m not really…sure. Maybe my dad? I don’t know much about him. Maybe he was more than human.”

Danneel clears her throat. “How, um…how often did they test you?”

Jensen looks away from the people in the room. “Every day. I n-never knew what they’d do next. It was like they took…my ability to control even the smallest parts of my body. And sometimes…” he inhales. “Sometimes I think they were expecting one thing to work and when it didn’t, they couldn’t accept that they couldn’t figure me out, so they’d keep trying even though nothing would happen.”

He drops his head back against the pillow, exhaustion emerging swift and sudden and sure. For the first time, he takes a chance and glances to Jared, who’s sitting in a chair with an expression of intensity and anguish. 

He absently wonder what Jared’s thinking. 

“Tell you what,” Jeff says. “How about you get some rest? We’ll be back in to check on you in a little while, okay?”

Jensen thinks he nods, but at this point, he’s so damn tired it’s hard to tell. 

His eyes drop closed and he doesn’t fight the blessed unconsciousness. 

**

Jared hesitates a few days later when he goes to knock on Jensen's door. 

Jeff had said Jensen was healing faster than even he thought possible and mentioned -- none too subtly -- that maybe Jared should pay him a visit. 

It's not that he doesn't want to...it's just...

What do you say to someone who's been through everything Jensen has? How do you even begin to approach any kind of subject? 

Sure, if Jared had his way, he'd walk right into the room, scoop Jensen up in his arms and never let go, not even with the threat of an armada of weaponry pointed at him.

But they don't really know each other well enough for that. 

Never let it be said that Jared Padalecki lacks determination, though, and when he remembers Jensen's eyes on the bridge that evening just a few weeks ago, he knows what he has to do. 

Taking a deep breath, he taps quietly on Jensen's door and opens it just a crack. 

Jensen glances up from the book in his lap where he's propped up in bed and he must recognize Jared, even through the slim space, because his face lights up and Jared takes that as a good sign and pushes the rest of the way in. 

"Hey," he says. 

Jensen smiles. "Hey."

"I've...uh...been meaning to check on you and Jeff says you're doing pretty well. How do you feel?"

Jensen nods. "Better. A lot better. Thanks for...well, everything, but especially for not punching me in the face."

That takes Jared to Jensen's side. "Why in all the worlds would I punch you in the face?"

Jensen looks away. "For...thinking what I thought about you. I know it's not true. Now."

"No, hey, listen," Jared says and he makes an aborted attempt to reach out to Jensen, but thinks better of it, "I get it. I mean, as much as I can. It's no wonder you thought that. This place is a little weird and with...you know...everything you've been through, it makes sense. But, Jensen, that won't ever happen. Not with me. Not as long as I can do something to make sure it doesn't. You won't ever go back there. Ever."

His voice wobbles a little bit, but Jared can't help it. It's been the one mantra that's played over and over in his head for the last few days. 

Jensen won't go back. 

Not if Jared has anything to say about it. 

Jensen swallows and nods and his green eyes dart up for a brief second and land back on the book in his lap. 

Jared notices and says, "If I'm interrupting..."

Jensen's head jerks back up instantly and he says, "No. Not at all. I can't really...seem to focus on the story anyway."

It happens on the spine of the book -- Jensen's fingers ghost up and down the back -- and Jared feels even better about his plan. 

"So, you feel like taking a quick trip?"

Jensen frowns. "Off planet?"

Jared chuckles. "How about we start with out of this room and down the hall a bit. I brought you a ride." Jared holds up a finger and hops back out to the hallway, rolling a wheelchair back in. "Jeff says it's cool and there's something I want to show you." 

Jensen grins. "Cool."

It takes a bit to get Jensen settled and all of Jared's willpower not to reach out and try to steady him from the bed to the chair. He doesn't seem too wobbly, but Jared just wants him safe. 

And part of him -- the licentious part -- can't help but notice that the hospital pants and shirt fit him quite snugly. 

Disgusted with himself for having impure thoughts about a recovering patient, Jared grabs the blanket at the foot of Jensen's bed. "Don't want you to get cold."

Jensen nods and arranges the warm throw across his legs. 

Jared takes a deep breath and they set out. 

They're a few feet down the hall when Jensen asks, "So what is this place?"

Jared grabs the topic like a lifeline and starts, "Jeff was actually a teacher of mine back on earth. Taught high school chemistry and always knew his way around medical stuff. I'm actually not sure exactly how he ended up here, but when I think about it, it totally makes sense. He just likes taking care of people."

The white floor and walls of the infirmary give way to the science labs and windows allow them to see inside to the white-coated people zipping back and forth around test tubes and beakers and microscopes. 

"I had heard he was in a war, way back when," Jared continues. "And I don't know what it was that made him leave earth, but by the time he made it here to Hopewell, he just wanted to provide a safe place for people seeking refuge from...well...anything, really. I hadn't been back for a few years and when I did, Misha and Danneel were here, too. It's really become a thriving place." 

Just as he says it, they make their way to the hub of it all, where people gather to eat and talk and meditate. Surprisingly, there are actually trees and plants and with the artificial light, it almost feels like they're outside. 

Jared notices Jensen taking it all in and can't help but grin a little. 

"And the part of it that really gets me," Jared says, "is that this is pretty much all done by donations. Good people who see what other good people are doing and they want to help. It's really amazing."

Jensen just nods, seemingly captivated by the activity. 

"Luckily they found an underground spring that supplies water to the whole operation. They all just take care of each other. Always makes me feel better to spend some time here."

Jensen agrees with a soft sound. 

Jared takes a chance and leans down a bit, close to Jensen's ear. "But wait 'til you see what I found." He leads them through the center of the facility and up a ramp along the back, where artists paint and some shops have popped up. 

Jared had done a lot of walking and wandering and exploring and thinking over the last few days. He'd had to absorb Jensen's past -- as much as he's able -- and when he'd stumbled into what looked like a forgotten room, his scalp had actually tingled at what he'd found. 

He pulls Jensen's wheelchair up to the door and steps around it to turn the knob. When he flips the light, the upright piano is right where he'd left it. 

It looks worn. The wood definitely shows signs of age and the keys are tinged a little brown, but when Jared had touched one of the ivories, the string produced a sound and he hoped it would work. 

He pushes Jensen's chair up to what he assumes is the middle and says, "I can't believe I found it, just sitting here. No idea where it came from, but I think it works. At least some of the keys do."

Jared reaches out and plucks a few to show Jensen the resulting tone. 

"Anyway, I thought it would be a good trip for your first outing." He props himself up on the side of the piano and looks down. 

Jensen's frozen. Literally rigid -- except for his fingers, which quiver rather drastically -- and he's staring at the piano like it might explode. 

"Jensen?" Jared whispers. "You okay?"

There's no response for a full minute and Jared's suddenly scared that going this far this fast was too much. He squats down so he's better able to see Jensen's face. "Hey, man. You gotta talk to me. You okay?"

When Jensen pulls his gaze away from the keys and turns to Jared, the impact and emotion in his expression hit Jared in the middle of his chest. Jensen's green eyes are wet and full of wonder and more than a little bit of apprehension. 

"Jared..."

"You feel okay?" Jared asks. "Wanna go back to the room?"

Jared can almost tell Jensen wants to say yes, but he senses it has nothing to do with any physical ailment. Jared takes a chance and puts his palm on one of Jensen's thighs -- covered in the blanket -- and says, "What's going on?"

"Wh-what..." Jensen has to clear his throat. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I thought maybe you could play something. I'd love to hear one of your songs."

Jensen blinks and his eyes almost spill over. Almost. He frowns and looks at Jared -- really looks -- like he's searching for something hidden, like there's more to this than Jared just wanting him to play.

Jensen narrows his eyes, "It's too frivolous. There're other things I c-could be doing."

Jensen looks back at the keys with a longing that's nearly palpable and Jared suddenly realizes Jensen's words are simply something he's parroting back from someone else. It's what he's heard for so long, he's actually made it a belief. 

Jared smiles a little, circles his thumb along Jensen's thigh and when he has Jensen's eyes again he whispers, "Nothing wrong with a little frivolity. Go ahead, sweetheart. I get the feeling you really kind of want to. And I'm telling you it's okay."

Jensen inhales -- sharp -- and pulls his fingers into fists. 

Jared waits. He instinctively understands that Jensen's fighting old wounds and when he reaches out to the keys -- fingers trembling so hard, Jared's not sure how he's actually going to produce music -- Jared's heart breaks for him even more than it had a few days ago. 

The first sound is so tentative, almost sorrowful, broken. Jensen's body seems to shiver with the tone and his fingers reach for another key and he brings his left hand up to join his right and he's more intense, more focused, than Jared's ever seen him. 

He starts with a scale and the pace and the fire build until he makes that simple exercise incredibly melodic. After a while, Jared backs away, let's go of Jensen to stand by the side and just watch. 

It's like seeing someone slip into an incredibly comfortable sweater after spending countless hours in tight, restrictive clothing. 

Jensen relaxes, his shoulders lose their rigidity and his eyes and face actually seem to glow. 

And the music. Gods, the music. 

The fact that Jensen taught himself to do this is both impressive and a little intimidating. He's a fucking genius and Jared can't even begin to comprehend how his mind could come up with something so beautiful without a single written note in front of him. He could easily play concerts at any major hall anywhere in the universe and Jared bets they would be sold out shows. 

It's funny, but the more Jensen plays, the more he let's go and allows himself the freedom for his fingers to find the keys and notes he wants, he begins to actually look healthier. His eyes and skin grow brighter -- there's almost a golden sheen there -- and Jared suddenly understands that he's seeing the Terrryn in Jensen for the first time. 

The music and creation and artistry open up his Terryn heritage. 

It's gorgeous to witness. 

Jensen's practically a prodigy and as Jared watches and listens to the music and the story its telling, Jared can't help but wonder how any creature on any planet in any galaxy could try to quell this immense talent. 

The piece comes to a quiet end and Jensen takes a shaky breath and when he closes his eyes, the tears slip out, and he whispers, "I've m-missed this so much."

"You should play more," Jared insists softly. 

Jensen shakes his head. "No. It's not fair."

Jared frowns. "Not fair to whom?"

"Other p-people."

Something feels like it's about to come together here, so Jared keeps his tone muted and doesn't move from leaning against the top, "How is creating beautiful music not fair to other people? You think they don't enjoy it?"

"I know they don't."

It's as though the piano playing has opened up something in Jensen and Jared wants to keep him talking. "How do you know?"

"They told me."

Jared's fairly certain the "they" is actually a "he." "What did they tell you?"

"That it's a distraction."

"A distraction from what?"

The answer takes a few moments of silence. When it comes, everything makes perfect sense. "A distraction from them."

Jared closes his eyes for the briefest second. To keep Jensen from something like this just for the need to control -- to have every bit of Jensen as his own -- Gods, Jared hopes he never meets this Mark guy. Only one of them will be left standing, he's sure of it. 

"He didn't want you playing because he wanted all your attention on him, didn't he?" Jared whispers. 

Jensen nods. 

It's insanity. Music is clearly so much a part of this man, it's almost like breathing. Sure, Jensen goes into his own world as he plays and Jared knows it's something that he'll never fully be a part of, but he can enjoy it, he can encourage it. 

He can appreciate the joy and beauty it brings to Jensen even without being directly included in it. 

"You know what?" Jared murmurs and he waits for Jensen to glance up. "It's his loss."

Jensen swallows and he looks so raw, so torn, so desperate to believe something other than what has been told to him for so very long and Jared can't help it, can't stop it -- he leans down and puts his lips against Jensen's forehead, inhales the clean skin and repeats, "It's so his loss."

When he pulls back there's even more color on top of the Terryn gold in Jensen's face. 

"Will you play some more for me or are you tired?"

Jensen's smile, when it comes, is like the sun in the morning and the stars stretching out in front of the ship. It's stunning and joyous and radiant and it touches a place in Jared that he didn't even know was there. 

"Play some more," Jensen whispers. 

And Jared settles in to one of the best concerts he's ever attended. 

**

Trips to the piano become a daily occurrence. Jared doesn't even have to ask anymore. 

People outside eventually hear the music and some sneak in the room. 

Jared gauges Jensen's reaction and when he seems to be okay with the audience, it only grows. 

Jensen's amazing and Jared loves to see other people appreciating his talent. 

It's lunacy, but there's a part of him that wants to be able to say Jensen's his. Not out of any kind of control or ownership, but to tell others that the astounding piano player is his boyfriend and he gets to share his life with such an incredible individual. 

Sometimes, when he's listening to Jensen play, and the crowd is particularly big, he pretends it's true. 

Just for a little while. 

**

"Why are you still here?" Jensen asks the next night at dinner. 

They'd taken to eating meals together in Jensen's room, when he's not behind the piano, just talking. About anything. Although Jensen notices Jared never asks any more questions about his past. He's not sure if that's freeing or frustrating. 

But truly, it's Jared's presence that has been doing more to help Jensen recover than any bed rest or medicine could hope to. That and the fact that he's reintroduced Jensen to the piano. He hasn't felt this much like himself in years. 

But he realized something this morning about Jared still being here and it worries him. 

Jared looks up from his stew. "'Cause I'm not done eating yet."

Jensen shakes his head. "No. I mean. You've gotta get the supplies to Rostafar. It's been days, Jared. Don't screw that up."

Jared swallows and puts his fork down. "The guys made the run."

Jensen frowns. "What?"

"The crew got the supplies to Rostafar. Everything's fine. Finish your noodles."

Jensen's frozen on the bed. "Why didn't you go with them?"

"They'll be back."

"I figured that, but you should have gone with them. Aren't you basically the captain?"

Jared huffs a laugh. "Some days I think we've got about three captains on that boat." He starts back in on his stew. 

"Jared," Jensen breathes. "You should be with them."

Jared shrugs around a mouthful. "They can handle it."

"Have you ever not been on your ship when she's in the air?"

Jared chews for what seems like an inordinate amount of time before he murmurs, "No."

Jensen absorbs that for all of about three seconds before he has to ask, "Why didn't you go with them?"

Jared looks up from his plate and says, "Had things I had to take care of here," he motions to the table in front of Jensen. "Finish your noodles."

Jensen really wants to ask what was so important, but there's something in Jared's eyes that says he already knows the answer. 

**  
By the time the crew comes back to Hopewell, talking about the successful run to Rostafar, Jensen is more than completely healed. 

In fact, he's pretty restless. 

"So," Chris says, as they're all gathered around a table in one of the eateries, "I was talking with Tom topside and he says there's a planet closer to the Milky Way that could really use some of the medicine they've got here. Wouldn't pay a whole lot, but the way Tom tells it, the folks could really use the supplies. Whatcha think?"

Jared nods while chewing. "I'm game if you guys are."

Jensen's stomach drops and he knows this is it. The end of the adventure. 

But, truly, he couldn't be more grateful for everything he'd gained since boarding Jared's ship. 

"We'll head out in two hours," Fel announces and the crew scatters to gather what they'll need for the trip. 

Jensen inhales and opens his mouth to say goodbye when Jared asks, "Wanna take a trip? Off planet this time?"

And the look in his hazel eyes is so open, so hopeful, Jensen already knows what he's gonna say before he forms the words. 

"Thought you'd never ask."

**  
They're two days into the trip to the Andromeda galaxy when Jensen finds Jared at the door to his room with an expectant expression on his face. 

Jensen narrows his eyes, "What?"

"I...um. Got something for you."

Jensen tilts his head, "You did?"

Jared nods and his hair flops in his eyes. He shakes it out with a jerk of his chin. "So, let me explain." He turns around and reaches for something just outside Jensen's door. "Can I come in?"

Jensen steps back and holds out his arm. 

Jared moves past him with something long and somewhat thin tucked next to him. When he puts the item on the bed, a primitive shiver travels from the top of Jensen's head to his toes. 

It's a keyboard. Just like a piano, only smaller and portable -- with some odd additions on the sides. 

Jared steps back from the bed and says, "I found it in Hopewell. It didn't work too well, but I showed it to Gen and she thought she could get it going again and she did. I know some of the stuff on the outside looks a little weird, but it's what she needed to add to make it play. I think...well, it won't be exactly the same as a regular piano, but I think you'll like it. I mean, I hope you will."

Jensen hasn't been able to take his eyes off the keyboard. If he was being honest, one of the main things he missed about Hopewell, besides the alone time with Jared, was that piano. 

And he never thought he'd be able to say anything like that again in his life. 

And now. Here's Jared producing another one for him. 

It's almost too much. He holds a hand against his chest, trying to maintain some level of breathing and heartbeat, but it's tough. 

He's overwhelmed. 

Where did this man even come from? How does he even exist?

Jared flips a switch and touches one of the keys. The sound isn't as pure as what comes from an actual piano -- it's a little tinny and mechanical -- but damn, if it's not pretty fucking close to the tone of an E. 

Jensen reaches out and when his fingers stroke the keys, he can feel it's not ivory, but it's amazing all the same. 

He tries to blink the emotion from his eyes and he doubts he's all that successful, but he turns to Jared anyway and whispers, "Thank you so much."

Jared's grin could light up any dark place -- inside or out. "Welcome," he says with a little bounce on his heel and he's gone. 

After that, Jensen starts to play. 

**

Jensen’s in the kitchen, just messing around with different tunes, when Gen and Fel come in, each holding a cat.

Jensen looks up and quirks an eyebrow.

Felicia holds up a finger to her mouth, “Don’t tell Jay they’e in the kitchen, okay?”

Jensen just smiles.

“Mind if we sit down?” Gen asks.

Jensen shakes his head. “I can go if—“

Both women disagree. “We’d like to hang while you play if we can,” Felicia says.

Jensen shrugs. “Not really playing much of anything.”

“Still sounds nice,” Gen says, while white the cat rubs against her chin.

Jensen watches, still plucking keys and Gen says, “This is Kitty Wonderpants because her pants are wonderful. Chris totally hates the name, which is hilarious.”

Felicia’s got Nebula walking around on her lap and she chuckles.

“When did you learn to play?” Gen asks.

“Taught myself,” Jensen says. “How the notes go together just makes…sense in my head, I guess. It’s hard to explain. Like this,” he lands on two notes that sound discordant and both women make a face, “yeah, sucks as a sound, so if you remember that, you can find notes that work together, like this,” and the next chord is much more melodic.

“Wow,” Felicia marvels. “So you basically just know how to make music. That’s amazing. My parents wanted me to play the violin, but…yeah, that didn’t work out.”

“Bad?” Gen asks.

“Like that time we accidentally caught Kitty Wonderpants’ tail in the door.”

“Yikes,” Gen agrees.

Jensen taps along keys, matching the conversation around him and it’s kind of new. He’s never had the chance to sit down with so few people right next to him while he plays.

Other than Jared, of course.

But Jared, he’s different. When he plays for Jared, it’s as though the other man is somehow a part of the music like no one else ever is. For everyone else, he plays the music so they can hear it. For Jared, he becomes the tune in Jensen’s mind.

Apparently the sound is too novel for Kitty Wonderpants because she leaves Gen’s lap, walks across the table and puts a paw on one of the keys.

Jensen can’t help but laugh. “Hey, I don’t need a partner.”

This must encourage her, because she walks across the keyboard, hitting bizarre notes with all four paws and rubs her nose against Jensen’s jaw.

She obviously likes the unshaven texture because she comes back time and again.

Gen looks a little surprised. “Huh, she likes you.”

Jensen grins at the cat. He’s never had animals before and it’s kind of cool to feel her fur against his cheek. “Yeah, it’s weird. Not many things like me.”

He doesn’t even think about the words and keeps letting the cat scratch against his face and smiles at the sensation.

It’s quiet for a little while before Gen murmurs, “No, that’s not what I meant. She usually doesn’t like men very much. She only tends to hang out with me and Fel. The only time she even acknowledges Chris is when he’s handing out food at dinner. This,” she gestures to the purring cat now sitting in Jensen’s lap, “is unusual.”

Jensen takes a chance and kisses the top of the cat’s head and she almost preens at that. When he begins to play again, she curls up on his thighs and falls asleep.

Felicia grins, “Looks like you have a real fan.”

Kitty Wonderpants sleeps in Jensen’s room that night and much to Chris’s chagrin, Jensen has to admit her pants are pretty wonderful.

  
**

Jensen tests out the acoustics of every area of the ship after that. He's in the basketball court when Aldis and Chad come in, bottles of some green liquid in hand, ready for a game. 

They stop when they see Jensen. 

"Hey, man," Chad says. "Mind if we play?"

Jensen shakes his head and goes back to his keyboard, working on an upbeat melody, one that reminds him of what it feels like to laugh with Jared. 

The basketball marks an odd sort of beat to his song and the tune becomes more interpretive and jazz-like as Jensen plays. 

Eventually the guys call it quits with the game and wander over to where Jensen's sitting on the floor. 

Chad holds out his bottle. "Wanna try some? It's blagyavick. It'll put hair on your chest."

Jensen always wondered what that statement actually meant, but he shrugs and takes a sip. It’s a little sweet -- obviously liquor of some kind -- and goes down pretty smooth. "Huh," he says. "Pretty good."

"Keep it," Chad says. "I got another couple bottles in my room."

"So where'd you learn to play?" Aldis asks, taking the sweat off his skin with a towel. 

Jensen drinks again and starts to talk. More than he's ever really done before, but these guys are pretty cool and it feels kind of good to open up. 

He skims over the details about Mark, but tells them about his capture and instead of pity, he only finds sadness and compassion in their eyes. 

"Dude, that's fucked up," Chad remarks. 

Aldis nods. "What he said."

They drink for a while and Jensen finds out more about Chad's childhood with Jared and how Aldis was encouraged by his parents to try his hand at an engineering career. 

“It's kinda sick how mom and dad pretty much adopted Jared, Chad and Chris when they met. Hell, I think my momma talks more to Jay than she does to me sometimes."

Chad nods, looking surprisingly thoughtful for him. 

Jensen huffs a laugh and realizes he's only got a little bit of the bottle left. Where had the rest of it gone? 

"Y'know you're damn good at the piano, right?" Aldis asks. 

Jensen shrugs. 

"I mean it, man. You could make a career outta that, easy."

Jensen shakes his head. That's nuts. People wouldn't actually pay to hear him play. His fingers skip along a few keys, nothing thought out, just a quick little jingle.  

"Oh yeah, they would.” Aldis says. 

Shit, did he say that out loud? Oh well. He takes another drink. This green stuff is pretty good. 

Chad chuckles a little, but Jensen isn’t sure why. 

“I had some people that used to listen to me play,” Jensen tells them. 

“Yeah?” Aldis asks. “Where?”

“On Terryn.” Jensen sighs. That was fun. Playing at Ms. Ferris’s. 

“Why don’t you do that again?” Chad asks. 

Jensen shakes his head. “Can’t. They’ll find me. Then I’ll have to go back. And they’ll do more of this stuff.” He points to the longest scar that bumps over his elbow. He can’t even remember what they were looking for that time. 

The guys are kind of quiet, so he says, “Do you think Jared’s real?”

Aldis frowns a little and the horns on his forehead move and Jensen thinks that’s really fucking cool.

“Uh,” Chad stretches the sound out. “I’m pretty sure he’s real.”

Jensen hiccups and giggles. It’s funny. 

Aldis wonders, “You don’t think he’s real?”

Jensen shakes his head and woah. His eyeballs almost wiggled out of his brain. “Nah. He can’t be.”

Chad’s got a funny smile on his face. “How come?”

Jensen sighs. “Too nice. Too pretty. Nobody’s that nice and pretty.”

“You know,” Chad says, kind of whispering. “He’s in the kitchen right now. You should go tell him he’s not real.”

“Chad,” Aldis says and his voice sounds pretty serious. Like he’s trying to tell Chad something. 

But the more Jensen thinks about it — around another sip — the more he realizes Chad’s right. He should go tell Jared once and for all. 

He stands up and yikes. The ships tilting. 

Aldis reaches out to steady him and Jensen wonders how the leaning doesn’t affect him. Must be his Talaxian heritage. Must have good balance. 

He picks up the keyboard under his arm not occupied with holding the bottle and man, someone should tell Felicia the ship is seriously falling to one side. 

He shrugs and wobbles his way down the hall. 

He finds Jared sitting at the table in the kitchen, just as Chad and Aldis had told him. Balancing the keyboard in one hand and the almost empty bottle in the other is kind of a feat, but he manages, even while raising the first finger of the hand with the bottle and announcing, “You’re not real.”

Chris says, “Oh boy. Here we go,” and Jensen has to wonder when he arrived. 

Jared has the most adorable grin ever on his face and he asks, “I’m sorry, what? I’m not real?”

Jensen shakes his head, certain he’s the authority on this and takes another swig from the bottle. “Yes. You are not real.”

“And if I feel real?” the delightful Jared asks. 

Jensen shakes his head and stops after a while because everything starts to swim, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What are you drinking?” Chris inquires and Jensen again has to wonder what he’s doing here. 

Jensen shrugs. “Chad gave it to me.”

Chris’s eyes narrow and he says, “Did he tell you what it was?”

Jensen frowns. He did. He’s pretty sure. “Uh. Blagmackenfunstuff. That’s what he said.” He nods. Yep. That’s what he said. 

Both men at the table huff a laugh and Jensen focuses on the dimples in Jared’s cheeks. They’re really cute. 

Chris stands up and moves to the cold thing. Fridge. Refrigerator. That’s what it’s called. 

“Okay,” Chris says as he pulls the glass bottle out of Jensen’s hands after a brief tug-of-war and places a plastic bottle there instead. “You need water. That stuff can take down creatures twice your size. I can’t believe that idiot gave you that. I’m gonna go kick some sense into the fuckwit. Jay, you got this?”

Jared’s really insanely pretty when he says, “Yeah, I’m good.”

Jensen nods as Chris heads out of the room and he calls, “Seriously, not real!” to his retreating back and he swears he hears a muffled, “Oh yeah, this is good” before he turns back to Jared. 

Jared seems…something. He’s got a funny little grin on his face and it’s like he’s being nice on purpose. It’s called. Something. Play something. 

“I’m playing?” Jared asks. 

Jensen pffts. “No. You’re placa-something. Tory. There’s a tory on the end.”

Jared actually laughs and his hair moves a little and it’s so pretty and Jensen bets it feels so soft. 

“How ‘bout you drink some water?” Jared asks while pointing to the bottle Chris had left. 

Jensen doubts it tastes as good as the green stuff, so he shakes his head. 

“Just one sip?” Jared asks and the look on his face is too much for Jensen, so he raises the plastic bottle to his lips and swallows and gross. It doesn’t taste like anything. 

Chad’s stuff is way better. 

“Chad’s stuff is bad for you,” Jared says and he sounds pretty sure, but Jensen doesn’t like Chris’s stuff nearly as much. “Take two more sips,” Jared cajoles. “Just for me?”

Ugh. That stupid face. Why is it so pretty? And earnest? Stupid words are stupid. And they make Jensen want to do what that handsome face says. 

So he takes two more dumb swallows and barf. No taste. Not as sweet and fun and ardent as the yummy green stuff. “Now, more green stuff,” Jensen decides.

Jared shakes his head and pulls the glass bottle out of Jensen’s reach. “Huh uh. No more green stuff.”

He sounds pretty sure about it, but Jensen wants another sip. 

“Tell you what?” Jared murmurs. “How ‘bout we get you back to your room and I’ll bring you some more of the green stuff? Sound good?”

Jensen smiles. Yeah. His room. He likes his room. ‘Cause it’s his and it’s nice and his bed is comfortable and if Jared’s there, it’ll be, like, ten times better and he moves to put the tasteless plastic bottle down. 

“No, no,” Jared coaxes. “You keep that. Take it with you, okay?”

Jensen huffs and thinks about leaving it anyway, but his bed sounds really nice and if Jared’s coming along then, cool. 

Jared reaches out and says, “Let me take the keyboard for you,” and Jensen lifts his arm and watches the muscles is Jared’s bicep stretch and bunch and he reaches out with two fingers and wow, those muscles are well-formed. 

Jared’s smiling and somehow he has two more of the yucky plastic bottles in his other hand. “C’mon,” he whispers.

Jensen follows and now he gets to see Jared’s ass. Yum. He’s wearing some kind of stretchy pants and a t-shirt and Jared’s buttcheeks really shake when he walks and Jensen bets they would feel really awesome and taste even better than the green stuff and he could spread them apart with his hands and—

“Okay,” Jared says. Loud. Like he’s interrupting something other than Jensen’s thoughts. “Here we are.”

Jensen walks into his room and flops down on the bed. Ugh. So cool. Nice mattress. He looks at the ceiling and is a little concerned at the rate that it’s spinning. “We should tell Felicia about the ship.”

“What about it?” Jared asks while bending down to reach for Jensen’s boots. 

That makes Jensen have to sit up and he sees that Jared’s put his keyboard on the table where he always keeps it and those stupid yucky plastic bottles are by his bed. And now, Jared’s pretty face is right in front of him. “Hi,” Jensen says to that pretty face. 

“Hi,” Jared replies. 

Jensen has to put both of his hands on Jared’s face and lean forward for a kiss. Just one. Maybe more, but for now just one. 

Guh. Jared does taste better than the green stuff and Jensen hums and hitches closer, opening his knees to give himself more room. 

Jared pulls back with a quiet, “Jensen…”

Jensen shakes his head and their noses brush and he does it again because he likes that feeling. He realizes how close his fingers are to Jared’s hair and he smiles and hiccups and spears all ten fingers through the brown strands and man, oh day, it’s so soft and silky and he bets it would feel so good against his dick. 

“Jensen, Jesus,” Jared whispers. 

“It’s okay,” Jensen assures. “You’re not real.”

This time Jared pulls away and Jensen’s hands slip out of his hair and he’s back to untying Jensen’s boots. “Why am I not real?” Jared asks. 

Jensen sighs and drops his arms. “‘Cause you’re too nice. Nobody’s as nice as you. You’re not real.”

Jared tosses Jensen’s boots into the corner of the room and smiles. “Maybe you need a little nice in your life.”

“Know what I need?” Jensen whispers. 

“Hmm?”

“For you to fuck me.” Jensen pulls Jared back in and it’s damn near full body contact this time when their mouths connect and Jensen feels himself melt and he knows — Gods, he knows — he just wants Jared inside him. Right now. 

The kiss is a whole lot of smooth lips and wet and when their tongues tangle, it’s like an electric shock straight to his dick and he can’t help the noise that slips out of his throat. 

Jensen whines. He’s too empty. He needs Jared. Now. He pulls back just enough to grab for Jared’s pants, but Jared holds him off with a “Jensen, baby, stop.”

Jensen spreads his knees wider, shakes his head and tries to get out of Jared’s grasp, “Please, Jared.”

Jared touches their foreheads together. “Jensen…”

“I can beg,” Jensen suggests. “If you want. I can. Seriously. Please, Jared, I just really want your cock—“

Jared’s hand clamps over Jensen’s mouth, “Gods, you’re killing me, baby. It’s not that I don’t want this. You have…no idea how much it’s not that. Just…not like this, okay? Not after you’ve had so much blagyavick that you don’t even realize how much you’re saying out loud, okay?”

Jensen licks against Jared’s palm and the salt-sweet taste is amazing. He hums and continues to savor. 

Jared yanks his hand away with a stuttered breath. “Let’s, just…get you to bed, okay?”

Finally. Jensen nods. Yes. Get to bed with Jared. That would be awesome. He scoots back on the mattress and kicks off his pants. His cock throbs against the friction and he has to stroke himself through his boxer briefs, just once. Maybe twice, but probably no more than three times. 

He thinks Jared mumbles a _shit_ , but he can’t be sure. 

He can’t wait for Jared to fuck him. 

His pillow feels nice against his head and the sheets are cool and he wiggles a little on them, dragging his hips back and forth and his eyes slip closed for just a second. 

He hears Jared moving around and when something brushes his lips, he opens his mouth instantly, only to find that stupid plastic bottle again. 

“Just a few more sips, okay, baby?” Jared whispers. 

Jensen wants to protest, but Jared’s big hand is at the back of his head to lift him up so he can drink and it feels so nice, he figures it won’t hurt to swallow a little more. If that’s what Jared wants. 

Jensen thinks it’s more than a few sips that he’s taken but he sighs when Jared lays his head back down and his eyes close again and he spreads his legs and pushes his hips up and thinks, okay, now. They can get to the fucking. 

He hiccups. 

Fucking is good. Fucking is fun. Fucking Jared would be magical. Because he’s so nice and pretty and fun and funny and Jensen knows that Jared would be so good to him. 

Jared won’t mind the scars. He really wouldn’t. At least Jensen hopes not. They're pretty gross, though, so it would make sense if Jared wouldn’t like them. Jensen wouldn’t blame him. 

He frowns. He should cover up, actually. His legs are pretty bad. Something about the major artery being good for getting stuff directly into the blood. He shakes his head. No time for thinking that kind of stuff. Not with Jared about to fuck him. 

Maybe he should put his pants back on. 

“Hey,” Jared whispers, and his voice sounds funny. Kind of wobbly, but his fingers brush against Jensen’s cheek and it feels so good. “How about you get some rest?”

Jensen doesn’t really want to open his eyes, so he keeps them closed and says to Jared, “I should put m’pants back on.”

“Nah,” Jared says softly. “You’re good.”

Jensen smiles. He likes to be good for Jared. He shivers a little and he thinks he could use a blanket in the seconds before he’s covered up by the soft, feathery feel of the best comforter in any universe, ever. 

Maybe he can produce things out of thin air now. Wouldn’t that be something? 

Yeah, something everyone else would want to control. 

He sighs and wonders what it would be like to be just a normal person? 

He thinks he feels Jared’s lips against his forehead, but he’s not sure, and he’s suddenly pretty sleepy, so he supposes he can figure everything out in the morning. 

**

Jared makes sure Jensen has a few doses of Chris’s hangover cure all pills the next morning and leaves him alone for the day. He looks pretty miserable after all and quite frankly, Jared’s none too sure of his will power anymore. 

Last night was the greatest test he’s ever had and he’s still not sure if he passed or not. 

Remembering Jensen’s drunken mumbling when he whispered about the scars and wishing to be normal, though, tells Jared he’d done the absolute right thing. 

His chest still hurts when he thinks about it. 

He’s pretty conflicted about Jensen in general. Part of him wants to just wrap the other man up and keep him safe forever and part of him wants to fuck him into the mattress just to see what kind of gorgeous noises he could elicit. 

It’s confusing, to say the least. 

He’s halfway through _Footloose_ on DVD and watching Ren take out his frustrations with an intense dance sequence around an abandoned warehouse when there’s a knock on his bedroom door. 

He doesn’t stop the DVD when he gets up to answer it. 

Jensen’s there. Freshly showered, wearing jeans and a t-shirt in his stocking feet and looking ten kinds of awkward. 

“Hey,” Jared says. 

“Hi,” Jensen replies quietly. 

“How’re you feeling?”

Jensen shrugs. 

“You, uh, wanna come in?” Jared asks. 

Jensen nods and when the door shuts, the music from the movie is all that can be heard. 

Jensen looks at the screen and wonders, “What’s that?”

“Footloose,” Jared says. “It’s a movie from a long, long time ago about a town that outlawed dancing. True story, as I understand it.”

Jensen seems a little mesmerized. 

“You wanna watch a little?”

Jensen shakes himself out of the staring and says, “Um, no, it’s…okay. I just wanted to stop by to…”

He glances around the rest of the room and apparently loses the power of speech. 

It is pretty cool, if Jared says so himself. 

He designed his quarters to be pretty spacious. Enough to include an expansive bed (bigger than a California king from back on Earth) and huge, open windows to show the stars. Jared loves falling asleep with nothing but whatever lights may be in the sky. 

He’s got a large, worn overstuffed recliner right in front of the windows. He’d brought it along with him from his college days. Many a video game battle had been waged while sitting on that chair and it’s still pretty close to the television for when he gets the urge to hook up the old system. 

The TV sits in front of a large futon, but he can still see it from the bed, too. 

His DVD collection is extensive and he’s pretty proud of it. 

There’s the tiniest of bathrooms enclosed off the south wall that holds nothing more than a toilet and a sink. 

“It’s probably a little over the top,” Jared says, with his hand dragging across the back of his neck, feeling kind of sheepish. “but, when you design your own ship you kind of get to be comfortable, you know?”

“It’s…amazing,” Jensen murmurs. 

“You think?”

Jensen nods. “Really cool.”

Jared smiles, ridiculously pleased for some reason that Jensen likes the space. “You’ll have to come by some time for a movie night or something.”

Jensen’s eyes dart to Jared’s for a split second, but he doesn’t respond. Instead, he says, “So, um…about yesterday…”

Jared waves him off. “Chris had a talk with Chad about it. Sorry he gave you the blagyavick. It packs a pretty big punch.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees. “It really does.”

“Did Chris’s pills help?”

“They, uh, really did, yeah. I feel…a lot better than I did this morning.”

Jared nods. “Good.”

There are a few more minutes where Jensen looks everywhere but at Jared before he murmurs, “I’m sorry.”

Jared’s puzzled. “What for?”

This brings Jensen’s incredulous eyes to Jared’s, “Are you kidding? I may not remember everything, but I think I remember enough.”

Jared waves him off. “Seriously, don’t worry about it.”

Jensen huffs, “Believe me, I worry about it. It sucks to have someone throw themself at you when you don’t want them. And I’m sorry. Trust me, it’ll never happen again.”

Jared blinks. Hold on. He refrains from shaking his head to clear it, but only barely. It’s shocking when someone so thoroughly misunderstands a situation and Jared’s trying not to flail, but…

“Okay,” he says around a breath. “That…isn’t even remotely what happened.”

Jensen’s eyes are on the floor and he holds up a hand, “Jared, seriously, you don’t have to do this. I mean it.”

Jared shoves his internal freak out away and asks, “Can you look at me for just a few seconds?”

Jensen’s shoulders slump, but he does as asked.

Jared inhales, “I need you to understand something. Not wanting you is not even possible for me. It won’t ever be. I have wanted you since we kissed in the chophouse,” Jensen’s eyes get wider the more Jared adds. “If and or when I ever fuck you, you will be conscious, aware, into it and able to remember. Because believe me, it will be something you will remember for a long, long time. I would never want our first time to be when you’re drunk, so last night had nothing to do with not wanting you.”

Jensen inhales sharply, “Jared…”

“I want you Jensen, but only if you want me, too, and are sober enough to make the decision.”

They don’t speak for a full minute while Kevin Bacon talks to Lori Singer about how they can’t be together because her boyfriend will remove his lungs with a spoon.

“I…” Jensen starts. “I haven’t had anything to drink at all right now.”

Jared stands still. Jensen’s gotta make the move. “Yeah?” he whispers.

Jensen nods.

It takes a while, but when it happens, it’s like every gift Jared’s ever gotten rolled into one gorgeous package. Jensen steps into Jared’s space and kisses him. Just like on Ziettis.

Jensen tastes like a combination of sweet and minty and Jared wonders if he just recently brushed his teeth. It's addictive and Jared continues to suck and nibble on Jensen's lips, each shocked little inhale goes straight to Jared's dick. 

Jensen pulls back a bit and makes eye contact. He's shaking and Jared can't help but cup both of Jensen's cheeks in his palms and stroke his chin with a thumb. "Okay?" Jared asks. 

Jensen nods. 

"Sure?" Jared's gotta know this is welcome. 

"Yeah, it's just," the breathless quality to Jensen's voice flares heat through Jared's veins. "...been a while."

Jared smiles and trips his thumb across Jensen's full bottom lip. "No rush, baby. I'm good with just kissing you all night."

Jensen's expression is so pure, so innocent, yet at the same time so incredibly hungry, it mixes Jared up in a lot of ways. 

"You..." Jensen stops and has to start again. "You really mean that, don't you?"

"I really do," Jared assures, "but don't get me wrong. If you want to take it any farther, I'm more than willing."

Jared takes a chance and slides his hand down Jensen's left arm to his wrist, pulling Jensen's fingers to Jared's crotch. It takes just a little twist to line Jensen's palm up with Jared's hard cock and both men gasp sharply. 

"I...uh, fuck," Jared tries for some semblance of coherency, "just want you to know there should never be a question of me wanting you."

Jensen makes the smallest sound of wonder and looks down just a second or two before his hand starts to move. 

Son of a Belvarian toad, the touch elicits precome that Jared knows is wetting his lounge pants and they're dark gray, so it's gotta be easy to see. 

"Sh-shit," Jared whispers. 

"You like that..." Jensen marvels. 

Jared chuckles and places his lips against Jensen's forehead. "What gave it away, gorgeous? Huh? The hard cock or the wet spot at the tip?"

Jensen huffs a fragmented sound, his hand still working Jared's dick slowly. Torturously so. 

When Jensen's soft question comes, his green eyes look shyly up through long lashes. "Jared...will you fuck me?"

Jared's gotta reach down and palm Jensen's hand to a stop because he's a fucking breath away from coming just from those last four words. 

"Ah, Gods, sweet man," Jared murmurs, while holding himself rigidly between both their hands. "I would like nothing better than to fuck you, but you gotta give me a minute here, or this is all gonna be over before we even get started."

Jensen's smile is part coy, part excitement and all knowing. 

Jared's gotta kiss those upturned lips and Jensen falls into him so willingly. 

Jared gets his arms around Jensen's waist and Jensen's arms over Jared's shoulders and he connects them both -- full body -- from head to toe and the sensation is nearly overwhelming. 

Jensen groans against Jared's mouth and pulls himself even higher against his chest and fuck, this man is so amazing. 

Jared sweeps his tongue across Jensen's mouth before murmuring, "C'mere, baby," and reaches for the hem of Jensen's t-shirt. 

And suddenly, Jensen steps back around a sharp breath and a worried expression. He grabs Jared's wrists and looks up with contrition. "Jared..."

Jared's not moving. "You okay?"

Jensen's face appears so anguished, it's painful to witness. "It's just..." he bites at his lip and squeezes Jared's wrists. "I'm not..."

And last night's drunken murmurings about the scars come back to Jared in a rush and his heart contracts in his chest. It's a full couple seconds before he can speak past the lump in his throat, "You wanna keep your shirt on?"

Jensen frowns and blinks hard and a frustrated sound slips out. "N-no, but...yes, but..." His sigh holds so much emotion. 

Jared has to put his nose to Jensen's temple and just breathe for a little while. The musky, fresh scent of this man calms him a bit until he can say, "This is your call to make, sweetheart. It always will be. But you need to know that there will never be a part of you that I don't find attractive. Never."

They stand for a while and sway a bit, kind of like they're dancing and it's probably because _Almost Paradise_ is playing from Jared's TV, but it's mostly just the soothing rhythm of the two of them together. 

Eventually Jensen steps back and for a split second, Jared thinks this is over before it even got off the ground, but Jensen's clearly determined. 

Determined and shaking like a leaf. 

Jared's never seen him so scared. 

But despite all that fear that's racing through him, enough to practically make the spiked ends of his hair quiver, Jensen grabs the hem of his t-shirt and yanks, tossing the material across the room. 

The scars crisscross his body -- some large, some small. Some faded, some particularly deep. 

They make Jared want to pummel whoever did this to this man while at the same time wrap Jensen up and never, ever let him be hurt again. 

"You're beautiful," Jared whispers through an almost closed throat. 

Jensen's jaw trembles and he shakes his head in denial at the same time a small tear slips down his cheek in the seconds before he tucks his head against jared’s neck. 

Jared palms the back of Jensen’s head and whispers into his hair, “so fucking beautiful.” 

Jensen’s nose rubs against Jared’s collarbone as he disagrees, “The s-scars are…”

And despite the throbbing of his dick and the shortness of his breath, this is a point Jared has to make, so he pulls Jensen’s head up so he can see his eyes and he says, “Your scars are the proof of your survival. You hear me? They will never be anything but beautiful to me because they are a testament to your strength. You got out. You got away. You did that when so many other people would have crumbled. You shouldn’t hide them, sweetheart. You should wear them with pride because you’re the strongest person I know.”

Jensen ducks his head back into Jared’s neck and Jared rubs his fingers up and down Jensen's back, bumping over the marks of damage even there. Jared has to close his eyes for a few seconds to absorb what it must have been like to be lying face down on some table somewhere and have unknown people insert different things into your body. 

The violation. The horrific injustice of it all. 

Jared squeezes a little harder and pours all his compassion and empathy into the embrace. 

It's a minute or two before Jared realizes Jensen's still shivering and hips are making small, almost aborted little circles against Jared's leg. 

Jared's got his palm against the back of Jensen's head and when he moves back to say, "You okay?" Jensen looks at him with the most needy expression Jared's ever seen. 

Jensen reaches for Jared's shirt and it's off and over his head in a second and when their upper bodies come together, Jared's libido jacks his heartbeat to jackhammer levels. 

The kiss they share is wild and urgent -- tongues and lips grinding and swirling and fuck, Jared's not sure he can take these downshifting emotions. 

He gets them over to his bed -- somehow -- and manages to not knock anything over in the process. 

Jensen's sprawled out on top of the messy blankets and Jared's just got to taste. He sucks a trail from Jensen's corded neck all the way to a hipbone sticking out of the waistband of his jeans. 

Jensen writhes beneath him and hiccups stunning sounds. 

If you ask him later, Jared'll tell you he has no idea how he does it -- he didn't think he had the dexterity at the moment -- but he manages to get Jensen's jeans undone and everything hitched under his balls and his cock gleams hard and red and beautiful right in front of Jared's face. 

Jared doubts there's any creature in any galaxy that could resist that, so he doesn't even try, just bends right down and takes the tip in his mouth.

Jensen's hips lift off the bed around a choked off moan. 

“Jared, g-gods,” Jensen groans. “That’s…so good…”

Jared smiles around the tip of Jensen’s cock, precome and spit glossing both his lips and Jensen’s glands when he murmurs, “You ain’t seen nothing yet” and swallows Jensen’s to the base in one go.

He opens his throat and tilts his neck just right and he has to hold his breath, but having his mouth filled this much with cock is so fucking hot and the fact that it’s Jensen and the taste is so addictive just fires his heartbeat even more.

Jensen hisses and arches off the bed and growls, “Fucking… _fuck_.”

Jared would smile if he could, but the noises are gratitude enough. He pulls off for one second, takes a sharp, wet breath and slides back down.

Jensen somehow manages to wiggle out of his jeans and socks and the jerky movements only enhance the feel of Jensen's cock deep in Jared's throat. 

"J-Jared, please," Jensen gasps. "I wanna come on your cock..."

Fuck, Jared wants that too, but it's with serious regret that he lets Jensen's dick slip out of his mouth and climbs up the bed, kicking his pants off as he goes. 

Cock-to-cock, full-body contact nearly has both of them coming in an instant and Jared can't help but circle their hips together just to feel the spit and precome gather between them. 

He's got Jensen's arms stapled to the bed and is sucking what he hopes will be one hell of a mark into his chest when he notices Jensen's motions aren't that of lust -- he's actively trying to get away. 

Jared blinks hard, trying to clear his head and when he lifts himself up, Jensen's struggling. 

"Jensen?" Jared asks, voice wrecked. "You okay?"

Jensen frowns. "I can't...it's just..." and he makes the softest little noise -- one tinged with regret and agitation and just a touch of fear. 

In an instant, Jared knows -- he must have been strapped down at the lab, unable to move, and the similar sensation of Jared’s hands on his biceps is too much now. 

Jared kisses Jensen's chin and rolls them, so that Jensen's on top, slides his hands along Jensen's hips and hooks his hands under Jensen's knees, pulling them farther up the bed, so that Jensen's fully straddling him. 

"You wanna drive, baby?" Jared murmurs around a small smile. 

Jensen looks poleaxed, like he has no idea what just happened and he's still for a while. Jared does nothing except rub his palms against Jensen's knees, waiting for the other man to decide. 

"Jared," Jensen whispers. 

"You good?"

Jensen answers by practically falling forward and connecting their mouths in one hell of a carnal kiss. 

"Fuck yeah," Jared breathes against Jensen's lips. "You're good."

Jared's hands roam now, skirting along Jensen's thighs to the round globes of his ass and pulls just a little to separate them and the man above him whimpers so pretty. 

Jared can feel a pool of precome collect on his stomach - half his, but a lot Jensen's - and it's easily one of the hottest things he's ever experienced. 

Jensen shifts his knees even wider and arches his hips back and up - and what Jared wouldn't give for a mirror at the foot of his bed right now - and Jensen chokes out, "Jared...can you f-fuck me now?”

“Gods, yeah, I can baby, just…” and Jared attempts to reach to the drawer beside the bed but it’s ridiculously difficult to let go of the man on top of him.

It takes some scrabbling, but eventually he gets the bottle of lube and a condom from his stash and he whispers, “Sit up for me, sweetheart, I need to see you for this.”

Jensen complies but it’s sluggish, almost like he’s drunk again, but Jared knows this time the delay in motor skills has nothing to do with blagyavick and everything to do with pure, basic want.

Jared kicks up his knees, so Jensen has something the lean against and he pours a lot of lube into his own hand and covers his first two fingers in the slick. Jensen kneels up just enough for Jared to get his slippery hand underneath and then it’s a sleek slide to Jensen’s hole.

The delicate, puckered skin contracts against Jared’s middle finger and fuck all if that’s not enough to make Jared groan, long and loud. “You really do want this, don’t you?”

Jensen nods sporadically. “So much…”

It’s unreal, but Jensen opens up around his finger like he was meant for this exact moment. It’s hot and wet and just the thought of getting his cock in there almost makes Jared come. Almost.

And Jensen’s face — Gods — is so open, so abandoned, so wanton, there’s no doubt at all that the man’s enjoying Jared’s finger sinking deep inside his body.

Jared gets a second finger inside that amazing heat and Jensen mewls a little and cants his hips toward Jared’s hand and starts to buck, riding the sensation and fuck… _fuck_ …

Jared scissors his fingers and Jensen takes that too — takes it with with a wide open mouth and wide open eyes and a soft moan that’s music to Jared’s ears.

"Shit, baby," Jared groans. "You gotta..." Jensen clenches, vice-like, around Jared's fingers and that's going to feel so incredible on his dick. Jared twists his fingers around, just because he can and Jensen's eyes spark with sensation. 

"Jensen," Jared tries again. "Get the condom on me, sweetheart..."

Jensen spends the next minute or two seated firmly on the meat of Jared's hand, making circular grinding motions with his hips. 

Jared hisses and blindly grabs for the condom, ripping the packaging with his teeth. 

Jensen watches with a needy expression, but can't seem to stop the swirling of his ass to help in any way. 

It's an accomplishment, but somehow Jared manages to slip the condom over his throbbing cock, pull his fingers out of Jensen's greedy hole and line up the tip of his dick. 

With the promise of Jared's cock, Jensen whines in the back of his throat and spreads his own ass open and it's all too much -- Jared pushes in and keeps going. 

Jensen's mouth falls open and Jared wants to check in, ask if he's okay, but it's all he can do to keep breathing through the tight, staggering heat enveloping his dick. He bottoms out without ever stopping and the two of them remain locked together, still and panting and staring at each other. 

Jensen's exquisite. There's a sheen to his skin that's part sweat and part something else -- golden shimmers stand out all over his body, some outlining scars, some just enhancing the beauty of Jensen himself. 

His Terryn heritage makes him a sight to behold. 

And Jensen's cock never flagged -- it's rock hard and glistening with precome, some still dripping onto Jared's abdomen and he'd love to be able to see how much he could strip out of Jensen but he thinks _next time_. 

"Okay?" Jared whispers. 

Jensen nods a little erratically. 

"You okay to move a little?" Jared asks softly, even though he's not sure he'll be able to survive it. 

It's the smallest quiver of his hips and they both gasp together. Something in the motion must kick Jensen's need to an overwhelming magnitude because he whimpers, "J-Jared, can I..."

"Anything, baby," is Jared's instant reply. 

Jensen growls then -- actually snarls a little -- and grabs Jared's forearms, staples them to the bed on each side of his shoulders and uses his knees and thighs to all out buck up and down over and over and over again. 

Jared almost screams. "Fuck...fuck..."

Jensen won't be deterred -- he hammers his hips like a piston and the dragging motion of his tight ass over Jared's cock pulls his balls tight and shit, _shit_ , this isn't going to last long. 

Jared attempts to warn Jensen, garbles nonsense words -- more sound than anything and when he glances down, Jensen's cock is almost visibly pulsing and with a shattered cry, Jensen comes all over Jared's chest, without a hand on him. 

The vision of Jensen caught in shattering pleasure and the feel of Jensen's ass contracting around Jared's dick, pulls the orgasm out of the base of Jared's spine and for the next minute or two, all he knows is the scintillating quaking of damn near every muscle in his body. 

Jensen collapses, lets go of Jared's arms and tucks his head into Jared's neck, panting like he just surfaced from underwater. 

Jared's not faring much better. 

He limply wraps his arms around Jensen and chokes out, "Gods, that was..."

Jensen breathes around what sounds like a sniffle and Jared really needs to see his face, "Baby? What? You okay?"

When Jensen lifts his head, he looks astonished and reverent all the same time. "I...it never..."

"Are you hurt?" Jared asks.

Jensen frowns, as though the thought doesn't correspond to what just happened. "N-no," he takes a breath. "That just...never happened before."

"What didn't?"

Jensen glances between them and makes an aborted gesture with his hand, "I came...and never...I didn't even..."

Jared lets his head fall back to the pillow now that he's certain Jensen's good. "Yeah, you did. That was fucking hot."

Jensen drops back down with a "wow" for confirmation. 

A few minutes later, Jensen mumbles against Jared's skin, "We gotta do that again some time."

Jared nudges Jensen's temple with his nose, "I concur."

"Awesome," Jensen breathes. 

Jared huffs a laugh and holds on to the golden man in his arms, wondering what deity in what universe granted him the absolute pleasure of knowing Jensen. 

He places a kiss on Jensen's head and sends up a silent thank you, hoping it reaches the right celestial being. 

**

They don’t really leave Jared’s room for a full eighteen hours. Jared sneaks out every so often to make a food run, but he comes right back relatively quickly.

They just can’t get enough of each other and the basics like food and water pale in comparison to skin and kisses.

**

Jensen’s lying on top of Jared — his back to Jared’s chest — and he’s got his ass stuffed full of Jared’s cock and it’s easily the greatest moment of his life. They’re stretched out on the recliner and all the lights are off — the only thing they can see are the starts in the sky.

Jensen’s blood thrums with the beat of his dick, but Jared appears in no mood to hurry things along. At all.

Jensen squirms a little and they both catch a quick breath.

Jared chuckles, “So impatient. We’ll get there.”

Jared's hands are never still. His fingers drag all along Jensen's skin - from his hipbones to his belly button and up to his nipples. The tips of Jared's fingers skate just over the hard nubs and Jensen's whole body jerks, tightening his ass around Jared’s cock and both men have a shock-like reaction.

It's like a continuous pleasure loop and Jensen - despite his fierce need to come - can't get enough of it.  

He breathes roughly against Jared’s cheek and that just makes the other man laugh a little.

“Jared,” Jensen whines.

“Oh, I know, baby,” Jared whispers and his breathing sounds rough and Jensen knows he’s not unaffected by this. “I just…gods…love having you in my lap.”

Jensen loves being here, so there’s really nothing to say to that.

Jared has his knees up between Jensen's legs and Jensen arches his lower back just enough so that the tip of Jared's cock just skims that spot inside him that makes his eyes practically cross. 

His cock pulses to the beat of his heart and he's got precome pooling all around his groin and belly and Jared's fingers draw some kind of design on his skin with it. He can't tell if it's meant to mean something or if Jared's just pretending to ice skate with the little man he's made out of his hand -- it sort of looks like that's what he's doing, complete with the jumps and everything. 

Although Jensen has an inclination Jared may just like to watch the precome stretch between his fingers and Jensen's stomach. 

It's hard to tell. 

Jared's fingers trip over various scars and at first, the muted sensation was bothersome for Jensen -- how sometimes he can feel Jared's touch and sometimes, especially over the thicker scars, it's subdued. 

But the thing is, over the last few hours, Jensen's really started to believe that Jared doesn't notice them. The bumpy scabs are just a part of Jensen and nothing to be ashamed of. 

As he looks out into the star speckled sky in front of him, and savors having Jared here like this, he wonders if maybe everything he's gone through happened to get him to this exact spot at this exact time. 

To get him to Jared. 

Jared shifts and pushes his hips up a bit and Jensen gasps, squeezing the plush arm of the recliner. 

Jared chuckles in his ear, "Just seeing if you were awake."

Jensen laughs and the motion sends pleasure-shivers all along his spine, "M'definitely awake."

"Good," Jared murmurs. "I wouldn't want to bore you."

Jensen shifts his legs wider. "Not a chance." 

By some kind of silent mutual understanding, Jared pushes up with his hips and Jensen grinds down and shock of arousal that quivers through him makes his balls pull closer to his body. 

He squirms and whispers, "Jared..."  

"I gotcha," Jared says softly when he clamps one hand on Jensen's thigh and wraps his other fist around Jensen's hard dick. 

Jensen tries to thrust up into the sensation, but Jared's got him anchored and starts short little jabs with his cock that really only provide maybe an inch of friction and the whole thing cranks Jensen's heartbeat and breathing and he whines it feels so fucking good. 

When Jared slips his now wet fingers down in between Jensen's balls, it's too much and after lying together, connected like this, for what must be almost an hour, Jensen's orgasm hits him in a torrent of pleasure, curling his toes and convulsing his muscles. 

"Gods, Jensen, the way you fucking feel," Jared groans and jerks his hips three times in quick succession and hisses long and low and Jensen knows -- even through the haze -- he's coming. 

It takes a while, but their breathing calms and Jared's soft cock slips out of Jensen and they haven't moved. Theyr'e surrounded by the dark and each other and Jensen wishes he could stay. 

Here. 

With Jared. 

Forever. 

**

Jensen wakes in the recliner, still on top of Jared, and he turns his head, just as Jared's sleepily opening his eyes. 

They decide they should probably actually have a meal with the crew and when they get to the kitchen, every single person at the table looks like they swallows the proverbial canary. 

Even the cats.

Jensen ducks his head, but sits next to Jared and Jared drapes his arm over Jensen's shoulders and places a kiss on his head. 

Jared glances around the table, "We all good?"

Everyone nods and Jensen realizes the expressions are actual sincere happiness. He squirms a little, just to feel the tenderness of his ass against the chair and a little because having people like this is so novel. He smiles and picks up his fork. 

"'Bout time Jay actually get laid," Chad mumbles around his first bite. 

Jensen glances up at Jared just in time for a hazel-eyed wink.

And he’s suddenly overwhelmingly grateful to have found this crazy group of people.

**

Jared arranges them one night so that they’re upright in the recliner with Jensen on Jared’s lap and the keyboard in front of them both.

The stars stretch out forever in the windows and the lights in the room are on low.

They’re only in their underwear and the skin-on-skin contact never fails to make Jensen shiver. He rests his temple against Jared’s cheek and chuckles at Jared playing chopsticks.

Jared murmurs, “You know this song has lyrics, right?”

“Yeah?” Jensen whispers.

Therein begins the word chopsticks being said over and over in time to the notes on the piano, ending with a chop chop.

Jensen absolutely can’t resist turning his head to place a kiss on Jared’s chin.

“I’m a virtuoso,” Jared insists.

“That you are,” Jensen confirms.

“You play now,” Jared says.

Jensen lays his hands on the keys and starts slow with a melody that’s whimsical and light. He doesn’t have to watch the keys, so he glances at the stars and wonders out loud, “Did you always want to fly?”

Jared settles back into the chair and hitches Jensen and the keyboard with him. “My dad was the head of the Aviation Department on Earth and when I was little, he’d take me with him sometimes and man, those planes were just unreal.”

Jensen picks keys that reflect a child-like wonder.

“The first time dad boosted me up into the cockpit of one of them, I was maybe five? And I talked flying ever since.”

Jared’s rolling his fingers along Jensen’s forearms as he talks, “I know some people say stuff when they’re kids like, ‘I wanna be a fireman or police officer,’ or stuff like that and when they grow up, they grow out of it, but flying, just…never left me.”

Jensen attempts to match the keys to the vastness of space.

“There’s something about being able to travel so far away in a ship that’s just…limitless, you know?”

Jensen nods. At least he thinks he does. He’s a little caught up in Jared’s words and the music.

“Okay, like, pick any dot of light out there. If you want to know what it is, all we have to do is plot a course and go there. They’re a long way away, but with the propulsion system, we can do it. There’s just something so amazing about that, you know?”

Jensen knows amazing, that’s for sure. It’s surrounding him at the moment. He’s got Jared behind him and his keyboard in front of him and he…honestly never thought this could happen.

He didn’t think he’d ever be able to share his music with anyone ever again, let alone have someone actually appreciate it.

It’s funny, the vast difference between Jared and Mark. With Mark, Jensen always wanted to be good enough, do what Mark wanted, make Mark happy.

And with Jared he wants all that and so much more, but the thing is, Jared likes Jensen for Jensen and that’s something he’s never experienced before.

Jensen always had to work on being something else, someone else. Hide himself away from everyone and everything.

Jared doesn’t want him to hide. At all.

Jared likes him, scars and all.

Jared is everything good and true and pure in any universe and Jensen didn’t think that existed. Not really. And he knows, from the bottom of his heart, that he would do anything in his power to protect Jared and keep him safe.

Because for Jared…anything and everything is worth it.

So, yeah, Jensen understands freedom and peace. Probably for the first time in his life.

**

When the warning monitor beeps to alert the presence of another ship, at first, Jared doesn’t think anything of it. Besides, he’s got miles of Jensen’s gorgeous skin right at his fingertips. He doesn’t have time for passing vessels. 

But Felicia’s worried voice over the intercom twenty minutes later cuts through him like a knife. “Jared, I think you better get up here.”

It’s a scramble for their clothes, but they make it to the bridge in under a minute. 

Jared slows to a choppy stop at what he sees outside. Jensen does the same beside him. 

“What the fuck?” Jared murmurs. 

Gen’s at the com panel, flipping levers and pushing buttons and she says, “Near as I can tell, it’s some kind of energy field.”

“It’s a fucking net,” Felicia adds. 

“That, too,” Gen agrees. “They’re tricky. They covered the back of us just out of range. Our sensors didn’t pick them up until now and the net is,” she hits another switch, “damn near surrounding us.”

No one on the bridge needs to point out that they’re Dominion cruisers creating the trap. 

In the silence, they all watch the glowing yellow lines connecting outside in a perfectly symmetrical spider web design. One that there’s no way they’re busting through. Even cloaked. 

Jared turns his back on the scene and looks at Jensen. 

His hair’s sticking up in wild angles, some of it smashed flat to his head, and his left cheek still has pillow marks on it and his lips are red and kiss-bitten and fuck the rising suns in any galaxy, Jared is crazy in love with this man. 

Jensen’s eyes lift and they’ve got a certainty in them that fills Jared with an overwhelming pride while at the same time scares him completely shitless. “Jensen…”

Jensen’s face softens, “Listen to me.”

“No.”

Jensen huffs. “You didn’t even hear what I was going to say.”

“Yeah but I know my response is going to be no.”

“Jared, be realistic.”

“I am,” he ducks to the side and asks, “How many torpedoes do we have?”

Gen’s conciliatory, “Not enough to waste on ships of that size.”

“We have to try.”

“And I’m telling you, the only thing that’ll do is waste the torpedoes. We don’t have the kind of firepower to take them on, Jared. I’m sorry, but we just don’t.” She’s genuinely upset. 

Chris, Chad and Aldis stumble into the bridge and take in the scene outside. 

“Fuck me sideways,” Chad whispers. 

“We gotta—“ Chris starts. 

“We ain’t getting through that,” Aldis declares. 

“Alright,” Jared says, “We need to—“

“They’re hailing us.”

Jared’s shaking. There’s gotta be a way. In order to figure it out, they just need time. 

So Jared’s gotta stall. 

He nods to Gen. “Open the channel.”

As soon as she does, there’s a voice on the other end — smarmy and slick and utterly insincere, “Hello, intrepid explorers. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Kurt Fuller, Galaxy Commander for the Dominion. I have been ordered to bring you to headquarters for questioning. I ask for your cooperation, but I assure you, it isn’t required.”

“We can answer questions just fine right here,” Jared says. 

There’s an odd sound of laughter, somewhat garbled over the communication devices, “Oh, I’ve got someone here who is very interested in a passenger on your ship. I’m hoping he can hear this. Mark, come say hi.”

The Terryn’s voice sounds like the purr of an engine, “Hello Jensen. It’ll be nice to get reacquainted again.”

The need to punch something nearly overwhelms Jared. He suddenly knows what the term seeing red means. There’s a crimson hue that covers everything in his line of sight. 

A hand on his shoulder — Chris’s — helps ground him somewhat.  

Jensen’s shoulders shift minutely — it’s the only reaction he shows.

“So you see,” and it’s the Fuller guy back again. “Not only do I have my orders, but there’s some catching up that needs to be done. We’re going to lock onto your coordinates and bring you aboard. Without a fuss, this can be short and simple.”

Jared’s heart rate thumps like a military grade weapon. Gods, they are so incredibly fucked. He has no idea how Jensen lived with this feeling of helplessness for so long. He growls, “Give me time to tell my crew.”

“You’ve got ten minutes.” 

The connection clicks off. 

Jared glances around the group and finds fear in their eyes, but he knows it’s not for themselves. It’s for the man still standing in the center of the consoles, intently watching the web being constructed outside, wearing nothing more than one of Jared’s t-shirts and pajama pants. 

Chris asks, “You think one of the shuttles would be able to make it through one of the holes in that thing? They might be small enough.”

Gen shakes her head, “Not likely. I know they look like holes, but the power seems to pulse between the webbing. I don’t think you could throw a rock through it. It would just bounce back.”

Jared’s got a nauseatingly sinking feeling in his stomach. 

Aldis looks like he can’t believe what he’s seeing and even Chad’s got a queasy expression. 

“Well,” Jensen spins on his bare heels and everyone jerks back a little, surprised at the matter-of-fact tone. “At least I got confirmation that Mark’s betrayal wasn’t just a fun bed time story they told me to fuck with my head.”

Jared steps forward, “Jensen…”

Jensen holds him off with an outstretched palm and a look of pure agony in his green eyes. “Here’s the deal. When I punch a hole in that thing, I need you to get this ship as far away from here as fast as you can. You got it?”

Gen’s skeptical. “Jensen, there’s enough firepower on those ships to damn near level a planet. We can’t outrun laser fire. No matter how much fuel Aldis can give us.”

Jensen nods. “I know. That’s why I’m gonna disable the weapons systems, too.”

Chris frowns, “Can you do that?”

Jensen shrugs. “I’m gonna try. I’ll make sure the weapons are down before I even try for the web. That way you guys will know they won’t be firing on you.”

Now Jared does step up, right in Jensen’s space. “This is insanity. It’ll kill you.”

And for the first time since they walked onto the bridge there’s tenderness and an odd sort of peace on Jensen’s face. “Jared,” he whispers. “I need to make sure you all get out of this and this is the perfect way. Once I’m gone you’ll be free…all of you. You won’t have the Dominion on your back anymore.”

Jared swallows hard to keep from throwing up. 

Jensen seriously knows this is suicide and wants to do it anyway. To save them. 

Jared shakes his head, “No. No way. There’s another option.”

Sadness tinges Jensen’s eyes. “Really? What is it?”

Jared voice quivers with the shaking of his heart, “I don’t know yet, but we’ll figure it out.”

“There’s no time,” Jensen murmurs. “We’ve already eaten up a lot of the ten minutes they gave us and trust me, the Dominion are nothing if not punctual.”

Jensen leans forward just a little and connects their mouths. The kiss is soft, chaste and the most painful thing Jared’s ever experienced. 

When Jensen pulls back he moves far enough away so as to be out of touching distance and whispers, “I love you, Jared Padalecki. Always keep flying.”

“Jensen,” Jared reaches back, wanting to hold on, somehow convince Jensen this isn’t the way, but he’s blocked by an unseen force. 

Fuck. 

_Fuck, no._

He didn’t. He couldn’t. 

Jensen maintains eye contact and Jared knows by the expression on his face that he did it. Constructed a force field around himself. 

Jensen’s smile before he turns around is both breathtakingly beautiful and utterly excruciating. 

“Jensen, no!” Jared shouts at his back. “You can’t. You can’t do this!”

He turns to Chris, and finds tears in his friend’s eyes. 

“Chris, come on,” Jared begs and he doesn’t even know what he’s asking. He just wants something, someone to stop this. 

Chris shakes his head. “I think your boy made his decision, Jay.”

They watch — it’s all they can really do — and Jensen remains upright, but his body quivers like electricity flows in his veins. 

Jared’s knees buckle and he’s on the floor, wanting only to be able to break through the field surrounding Jensen. He has no idea what he would do, how he would stop it, but fuck everything, he wants to try.

The tears start from somewhere deep in his throat when he realizes he’s going to witness the one man he’s truly ever loved die right in front of his eyes. 

“Jensen,” he whispers, “Please…”

Felicia’s turned around in her seat, openly crying, and Aldis murmurs _damn_ over and over again. 

It’s Chris who’s voice holds miraculous strength when he says, “Okay, the least we can do is have Jensen’s efforts not be in vain. Al, get down to engineering. When we give you the signal, give us everything you have. Chad, help him.”

Aldis shakes himself out of his stupor and heads out, Chad on his heels. 

“Fel, turn your butt around in that seat and be ready to thread the needle. You get me?”

Felicia sniffs, nods and does what he says. 

“Gen, monitor those ships. I want to know what’s happening.”

Gen hasn’t moved from her station, “Got it.” 

“And Jay?”

Jared can’t take his attention away from Jensen but he mumbles a questioning sound. 

“Hang in there. This is gonna be a rough one, but I’m gonna do what I can to get him through it, okay? You found yourself a good one and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let these Dominion mother fuckers take him away.”

At that, Jared does look to Chris and even though he can’t speak actual words, he hopes he conveys his gratitude. 

Chris nods and pulls out a medical bag he keeps on the bridge. 

The next five minutes are some of the purest torture Jared has ever known. He can’t even touch Jensen to assure him he’s not alone, even though every cell in his body is screaming for contact. 

Shockingly enough, Jensen’s still on his feet, but Jared has no idea how he’s staying upright. Full body tremors pass through Jensen in waves and there’s a low, guttural sound emanating from deep in his chest. 

Beeping sounds from behind him precede Gen’s words, “I can’t fucking believe it, but their weapons array just went offline. Every one of the ships. Damn.”

Chris says, “Keep an eye on that webbing, Fel. When you see the hole, you’ll know where to aim.”

“They’re hailing us,” Gen announces. 

“Fuck ‘em,” Chris grunts, eyeing the exterior of the ship with intensity. “There, Fel! You see it?”

“Yep,” Felicia says. “I’m pointing her that way.”

“Tell me when it’s big enough, Gen,” Chris barks. 

“I’m on it,” she responds. 

Jared knows he should be involved here, be doing something, be working or helping or trying to add something to the scene, but he wants to be as close to Jensen as he can get, butting up against the forcefield. 

He knows when this is over, Jensen’s bound to collapse and at the very least, Jared wants to be there to catch him. 

It’s amazing to watch the strength in this one man, a man who’s laughed and cried and teased and kissed Jared with such grace and gentleness. The stunning display of mental power has Jared in complete awe. 

“It’s good,” Gen says. “Let’s do it.”

Chris slams his hand down on the button for engineering. “Al, this is it. We need the power. Fel, go.”

The force of the propulsion surprises everyone and even Jensen rocks backward a step, but still maintains his rigid posture. 

Jared wants to tell him he did it, they’re getting out, to let go, but he knows he can’t. Jensen’s gotta hold it until they’re out of range. 

Felicia gets them through and out and it’s another agonizing block of minutes before Gen announces, “We’re good, Jensen. We’re out of range.”

Jensen drops like a puppet who’s string has been cut and Jared’s there, wrapping him up, keeping his head from hitting the ground, cradling him against his chest.

Jared’s shocked to see the blood covering the white t-shirt. 

Fuck.  

Chris wastes no time in checking vitals and his expression is dire. 

“C-Chris…” Jared whispers through a throat clogged with pain. 

“Shut up,” Chris hisses around the cover from a needle in his mouth as he jams into Jensen’s arm. 

“What was that?” Jared asks. 

Chris spits out the cap, “Something I got last time we were in Hopewell, which is where we damn site better be headed, Fel.”

Felicia answers, “Locked in the coordinates while we were waiting for the hole to open up.”

Chris’s grin is more like a grimace, “That’s my girl.” He flips open Jensen’s eyelids and Jared can tell Chris doesn’t like what he sees. 

“Still breathing,” Chris says, “but his heartbeat is faint as hell. The shot should help. It’s natural stuff to keep the body going and stave off shock as long as we can.” He looks back to Gen. “Can you get a message to Hopewell to be ready? Maybe use a coded channel.”

“Already done,” Gen says. “They’ll have everything ready when we get there.”

“My girls run this damn ship, you know that?” he asks Jared. 

Jared can only nod, while hanging onto Jensen for dear life.

“Now we gotta just hope this guy keeps his grip on this world.” 

Jared closes his eyes, rests his cheek against the top of Jensen’s head and whispers, “Stay with me, Jensen. Please.”

**

The landing on Hopewell is haphazard at best, but as promised, Jeff, Misha and Danneel are waiting. 

Jensen’s heartbeat and breathing have lagged to a harrowingly slow pace and for a split second, Jared doesn’t want to let him go. 

They get him down to the infirmary in record time, but Jared’s not allowed inside the room. 

“Sit,” Jeff commands. “We’ll do what we can, Jared. Promise.”

Jared topples into a chair and it’s pathetic, but he absolutely breaks down. Great, heaving sobs wrack his body and he cries for all Jensen has been through and everything he did to save them.

He cries with the fear of never seeing Jensen’s green eye dance again. 

He loses track of time and he’s a snot-covered mess by the time he looks up to find Chris standing in the doorway. 

“They’re gonna help him, Jay. I can feel it.” He tosses a box of tissues across the room Jared doesn’t even try to catch and it bounces off his shoulder. 

He reaches down to the floor and whispers, “You don’t know that for sure.”

Chris shrugs. “Call it doctor’s intuition.”

Jared huffs and blows his nose. “You’re not a doctor.”

“Now he agrees with me,” Chris says to the ceiling. 

Chris’s boots clap against the linoleum as he makes his way over and squats down in front of Jared. “I can tell you one thing for sure, though, Jay. That boy in there has something to fight for now and I’m not sure he’s ever really known that before. That’s a powerful thing and don’t you forget it.”

Chris gives Jared’s knee a shake and he’s back up and wandering down the hall by the time Jared can even consider what to say back to that. 

An undetermined amount of time later, Jeff emerges looking pretty ravaged. He’s toweling off his face and he says to Jared two words that hold so much power, “He’s stable.”

Jared can physically feel the vice loosen around his chest and he slumps down in the chair. 

“Not even close to being out of the woods, yet, but that boy is one hell of a fighter. He’s got a good chance.”

“Can I see him?”

“Can I get you to eat and shower first?”

Jared’s shoulders drop even further. 

Jeff chuckles tiredly. “That’s what I figured. Go on.”

Jared scrambles down the hall, but slows when he gets to Jensen’s door. Misha and Danneel are still there, jotting down information on papers and checking monitors. 

Jensen’s skin is as pale as Jared has ever seen it. Not a spark of golden Terryn to be seen. His stomach clenches and he wonders if Jeff sugar coated what was really going on here. 

“Looks worse than it is,” Danneel says. “Seriously.”

Misha pulls out a chair and maneuvers it next to the bed, “Sit down before you fall down.”

Jared complies, unable and unwilling to take his eyes off Jensen. 

Misha pats Jared’s shoulder before he leaves and Danneel scrubs her fingers through his hair. 

Jared leans forward and puts his forehead against Jensen’s arm. 

And that’s where he stays for the next five days. 

**

It’s on day three when Misha comes in and says, “I need to talk to you. Outside for a minute.”

Jared’s back protests when he stands and he can’t help but rub the back of his hand along Jensen’s forearm, happy to see much of the color return to Jensen’s skin. He follows the other man into the hallway. Blinking in the lights, he asks, “What’s up?”

Misha inhales, “So, listen, after you guys left, I kind of had this idea. It’s a little out there, but hear me out. Jensen’s situation, well, it…fucking sucks is what it does and I want to help.” Misha scratches the back of his head and continues, “I realized that the only way the Dominion will leave Jensen alone is if he’s either dead—“

Jared stiffens. What the fuck?

“— or they can’t find him.” Misha looks askance, “You didn’t really think after all this I was actually gonna kill him, did you?”

“Um. Have you met yourself? You typically operate about fifteen degrees off center.”

Misha actually seems proud. “Yeah, I do. So the killing part may have to happen, but I assure you, only on paper.”

Jared wonders if Misha ever takes a straight route to any point. 

“Mike Rosenbaum down in telecommunications assures me killing someone on paper is far easier than one realizes. So I thought, hey, let’s kill Jensen legally and the Dominion won’t bother him anymore. But he would almost have to live like some kind of hermit or something to keep himself from ever being seen. And that would suck, too.”

Jared sits down. It seems this explanation requires settling in for the duration. 

“So I said to myself…self, what if there’s a way to kind of mask Jensen from the Dominion? A type of cloaking device for people? Wouldn’t that be wicked cool? So, I made one.”

The last four words are said so artlessly, so matter-of-factly, Jared almost misses the point. “Wait, you what?”

Misha pulls something from his pocket. It’s metal and small and shaped kind of like the outline of a kidney. “I made a kind of transmitter that Jensen could wear around his ear. It basically scrambles who he is for anyone that might come in contact with him. Here, watch.”

Misha slips the device around his ear and it’s almost creepy how his features kind of…morph…into something else. It’s nothing overt. It’s not like he suddenly looks like a long-jawed Sarlaxian or anything. There are just subtle changes. 

Like Jared swears his brow is a bit bigger. And his eyes turn from blue to brown. His lips are a little thinner and his coloring takes on a more olive complexion. 

It’s completely amazing. 

“You made this?” Jared asks. 

Misha — or the odd looking, almost Misha — nods. “I had help from the technical department here, but it’s pretty cool, huh?”

And everything works. It’s like the almost-Misha is talking normally, like anyone would. There’s no delay or strange out-of-sync timing between his mouth and his words. 

He looks completely normal, just not at all like himself. 

“Damn, Misha, that's fucking amazing.” Jared’s genuinely impressed. 

“It only works when you’ve got it on,” Misha explains as he pops the earbud back off again and his face slips back to regular old Misha. “What do you think? Think it’ll work?”

“I think you could fool your own mother with that,” Jared declares. 

Misha waves a hand in front of his face, “Oh, my mother’s blind as a bat without her glasses. So you think it’s okay to go ahead and kill Jensen then?”

Jared’s somewhat used to getting mental whiplash with Misha, but even that one requires a head shake. “Okay, slow down. Let’s wait ’til Jensen wakes up and we get a chance to talk to him, okay? I assume you’ve got a whole new identity for him, too, right?”

It’s a joke. Jared even laughs at the end to convey his lack of seriousness, but Misha just nods and says, “Naturally.”

“Um, okay, what?”

Misha explains, “I figured it would be easier for him to keep his first initial, so he could be Jay. The last name was a little trickier, but then I thought a legal ceremony could very easily make it Padalecki.” Misha puts his hands on his hips, “and everything will be tied up in a neat little package.”

A warm sensations shimmies up Jared’s arms and settles near his heart. 

Married? To Jensen?

The smile on his face must be pretty sappy if Misha’s ridiculous expression is anything to go by. “I see you are not adverse to sharing your name.”

Gods, it would be amazing. Having Jensen off the Dominion’s radar and his husband? _Dream come true_ doesn’t really do it justice, especially considering he didn’t think Jensen would be alive to be part of anything just a couple days ago. 

It’s pure impulse that makes Jared grab Misha’s head and plant a smacking kiss right on his forehead. 

Shockingly, Misha almost blushes. Almost. “You better not let your fiancé see you do that,” he grumbles while scrubbing at his head with his sleeve. “And I’m supposed to be the weird one…”

Jared’s grinning at Misha’s retreating back and thinking, fiancé.   
  
Yeah, he likes the sound of that.

  
**

Jensen didn’t think the afterlife would be painful. He figured there would be discomfort at not being with Jared, but physical pain wasn’t something he was expecting. 

He wants to ask someone if they got the number of the Wenierian transport vessel that ran him over, but in order to do that, he should probably open his eyes. 

He’s also a little surprised to know he’s got eyes in the afterlife, but so far, the trip through the veil really hasn’t lived up to his expectations. 

When he can see again, he finds a mop of unruly dark hair resting against his bicep. He knows it’s Jared and he can’t help the sharp inhale. 

The head lifts and there are the dimples and the hazel eyes and holy shit the afterlife is fucking amazing. 

Jared laughs. 

Did he say that out loud? 

“You’re not in the afterlife,” Jared chuckles. 

Yep. He said it out loud. 

And apparently isn’t dead. 

Holy shit, he seriously isn’t dead? 

“Nope,” Jared’s grinning. “Seriously not dead.”

He’s gotta start paying more attention to what’s moving from his brain to his mouth. “Jared…”

Jared’s lips are so soft against his forehead and he whispers, “Hi, baby. I’m so glad you’re awake.”

Jensen inhales the clean, masculine scent of Jared and wonders, “How did I…”

Jared pulls back only a little and asks, “What do you remember?”

Jensen frowns. “I remember it took way more than I thought it would to disable those damn weapons. And I remember prying a hole in that web and that’s about it. It’s all just black after that.”

Jared’s nodding. “You did all that and you held on until we got out of Dominion radar and we got you back here and Jeff and Misha and Danny saved you.” His exhale shakes a bit. “It was close, but they saved you.”

Jensen can tell by Jared’s tone and the haunted look in his eyes that his “it was close” pales in comparison to what must have happened, but he doesn’t comment on it. “So, I’m okay?”

“Well, you’re not gonna be playing in any basketball tournaments any time soon and in fact, I think your doctors have prescribed a bunch of bed rest and movie marathons, but, uh…” Jared’s eyes get a little watery. “Yeah, you’re okay.”

Jensen lifts his hand to touch Jared’s cheek. “Wow.”

Jared nods and tilts his head sideways to kiss Jensen’s knuckles. “Wow pretty much covers it, but baby, I gotta ask, what the fuck were you thinking?”

Jensen flips his index finger back and forth across Jared’s nose. “I was thinking about getting you guys out of there.”

“But you had to have known the toll it would take on you.”

Jensen shrugs a little. “Wasn’t important.”

“It was to me,” Jared insists. “I seriously thought I’d lost you and I was going to watch you die. Jensen, that nearly killed me. It still wakes me up at night.”

Jensen frowns, “Wait. Still wakes you up at night? How long have I been here?”

“Five days,” Jared says. 

Jensen looks at the blankets tossed over the chair Jared’s on and has to ask, “How long have you been here?”

Jared’s smile is a little lopsided. “Five days. But you’re not deflecting me that easily. You’ve gotta know what it did to me when I couldn’t get to you on the ship.”

Jensen sighs. “I’m sorry, Jared, but I knew I could do it and if it meant dying to protect you, I’d do it all over again right now. I always will.” The truth of the statement settles somewhere in Jensen's heart. Jared's everything. He's bright and beautiful and funny and so incredibly sharp. Jensen watches those hazel eyes move over his face and knows that Jared's one of the last pure, truly kind beings in twenty different galaxies and Jensen has no idea what he did to get to experience even a moment of Jared. 

Jared twists their hands around so he can hold Jensen’s knuckles to his mouth. “What am I gonna do with you?”

Jensen squeezes his fingers together and whispers, “You’re gonna leave me here is what you’re gonna do.”

Jared hums. “You don’t like the ship? I can change it.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. Who’s deflecting now?”

Jared huffs a laugh. “Alright, fine. Go ahead. Explain.”

Jensen’s going to spend as many days as he’s able saying goodbye to this amazing, beautiful, dimpled, fluffy haired man. And every second is going to kill him slowly, but he cannot, will not, absolutely refuses to be the reason Jared gets hurt or can’t live his life. He has no idea how to adequately explain any of it, so he just goes with, “I’m a liability to you, Jared. I always have been. I knew it the first day on the ship, but…I just…I liked being around you and I didn’t want it to end.”

Jared’s eyebrows quirk. “You only liked it, huh? So what you said to me on the ship five days ago was just a heat-of-the-moment, I’m-probably-gonna-die-anyway kind of thing?”

It would be simple, so incredibly simple to just chalk those three words up to exactly what Jared’s suggesting. Wave it off, make a clean break. 

But Jensen owes Jared so much more than that, so he shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t. That was sincere. I love you so much that I can’t put you in danger anymore. I love you enough to leave you, Jared.” 

Jared scoffs, “You watch too many romantic movies.”

“That’s your fault!” Jensen attests. 

They share a smile and a quiet laugh before Jensen turns serious again. “I mean it, Jared. I won’t do that to you anymore. You’ve given me so much. Let me give you the freedom you’ve always wanted to go anywhere and do anything. Okay?”

Jared’s hazel eyes grow shrewd. “What if we can go together?”

Jensen exhales slowly and counts to ten. “Jared, you’ve gotta listen to me. I can’t go with you because I’ll always be hunted. I’ll always be a liability.”

“What if you weren't anymore?”

Something must have happened in the last five days to completely scramble Jared’s brains. 

“My brains are fine,” Jared assures. 

Crap. He’s talking out loud without knowing it again. 

Jensen shifts a little in bed. “Jared, come on. You’re crazy. They’re never going to stop looking for me.”

“They would if the records said you died.”

Jensen blinks. Huh. But wait, “We can’t do that. Can we?”

“Misha says we can.”

“Oh for the love of…this is Misha’s plan? You are crazy.”

Jared laughs, but says, “I know, I thought the same thing, too, but once he explained it — even though it took forever — it actually made a bizarre kind of sense.” 

Jensen figures in for a penny… “Okay, let’s hear it.”

There’s talk of Misha’s connections and some guy named Rosenbaum and the fact that the death certificate would be official and all. 

Jensen interrupts. “Okay, I get all that and let’s say we do it. Let’s say I’m officially dead. I’m gonna have to practically live in a hut all by myself on some distant planet to never run into a Dominion officer again.”

Then it gets incredibly weird. 

Jared produces this thing that he puts around his ear and says it changes a person’s outward appearance and suddenly Jared’s not Jared anymore and Jensen can’t help the horror that has to be all over his face. “That is one of the most fucked up things I have literally ever seen.”

“I know, right?” Jared beams through a mouth that isn’t his, but is his. “Freaked me out, too, but it’s also really effective. You can’t tell it’s me, right?”

The fact that Jared’s face has actually changed right in front of Jensen’s eyes is screwing with his head in ways he can’t name, but he admits, “No, I really can’t tell it’s you.”

“It’s perfect!” Jared declares. “You can stay out from under the Dominion radar forever.”

Once Jensen’s initial disdain passes, something flares in his chest. 

It feels a lot like hope. 

“Okay, okay, get that thing off your head.”

Jared grins in his weird face, but by the time he looks up, he’s Jared again. “So, what do you think?”

It’s insane. All of it. Every last bit. 

And yet. 

And yet, it actually could be possible. He could live his life without worrying about who’s following him or if he’ll ever end up back in a lab again and it’s…breathtaking. His heart actually skips a beat. Possibly two. Jensen loses track. 

Actual freedom was always a concept that somehow eluded Jensen. Growing up, he learned he could never be free from the taunts of his heritage. And then, after the Dominion, he could never be free from the memories of the lab. The only moments he could get remotely close were the times he sat in front of a piano. More recently, any second he spends in Jared's arms. 

But suddenly, something opens up inside him, a cavernous sensation of opportunity and liberty and it's incredible. 

He smiles. The first wide, real, raw smile since he woke up. “Do I get to pick my new name?”

Suddenly it’s like Jared’s almost nervous. He clears his throat, “Uh, this is kind of where I maybe come in. A little. If you want. But you don’t have to.”

And to think just five days ago, Jensen was certain he’d never get to hear Jared’s adorable babble ever again. “How about you tell me what it is first and then I’ll decide.”

Color blooms on Jared’s face and Jensen can’t tell if it’s embarrassment or excitement or anticipation or what. 

“Uh, wow. We’re really gonna do this. Okay. I haven’t really prepared…”

It’s so reminiscent of that first day on the ship when Jared tripped all over himself because he didn’t think Jensen was really gonna show. 

Gods, what would his life have been like if he didn’t take a chance on that kiss in the chophouse all those months ago?

“So, ahem. It’s um. See, I was thinking,” Jared sits back and lets go of Jensen’s hand and scratches his fingers through his messy hair. “Maybe we could. Um. It would make sense for you…I mean seeing as how you need a new name and all…to maybe, if you wanted…take m-mine.”

Jensen narrows his eyes, “But you’re already using your name.”

Jared’s exhale sounds irritated. “Man, you’re gonna…make me do this. Gods. Okay. So, see, my name can be…kind of shared if, we, well, um…if we agreed to maybepossiblygetmarried.”

Jensen blinks. Hard. 

Was that? 

Did he? 

Was that a fucking marriage proposal?

“Um,” Jensen’s gobsmacked. “What?”

“Oh fuck, are you gonna make me say it again?”

“Did you just ask me to marry you?”

Jared’s got an ill appearance. “Maybe?”

“Maybe?” Jensen might squeak on that one. 

“I mean if you want to…”

“If I want to?”

“Are you just gonna repeat everything I say?”

There’s an impish impulse in Jensen to start with “are you just,” but he stifles it, despite the giddy feeling he’s got growing in his stomach. “I’m just trying to be sure I get this.”

“Get what?”

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

“Do you want to?”

“Do I want you to what? Ask me?”

It’s possible Jared might actually start yanking his hair out if the wild look in his eyes is anything to go by. “Jensen, come on.”

“Where are we going?” He can’t help it. 

“Jensen.” Jared draws out his name into at least a five-syllable tone. 

And in a second, Jensen’s serious. “What do you want me to say?”

Jared must sense the gravity, because he inhales and says, “I want you to say what you want to say. I mean, I love you. A lot. And I think we would be great together and…come on, you need a new name and mine is right there and it’s totally yours if you want it. You can have pretty much anything…I mean, my name is just the start and—“

Jensen stops the rant with a kiss and when they pull away, Jared seems to swoon a little and mumbles, “Is that a yes?”

Jensen grins, “That’s a definite yes.”

Jared whoops. Literally whoops. 

And the next kiss is a hell of a lot more carnal. 

Jensen’s a little breathless when they part, but he has to ask, “So that takes care of my last name. What about my first?”

Jared’s grin is uncivilized. “What about Jay?”

“What about you?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, your name can be Jay.”

Jensen frowns, “But that’s what the crew calls you.”

Jared shrugs. “I can share that, too.”

And it all just makes complete and perfect sense. He grins, “What else are you gonna share?”

Jared’s smile is easily the dearest thing Jensen’s ever seen, “My whole life.”

**

“Are you sure this is the only place we can get rings?” Jensen asks. The incredibly busy port has more creatures and beings than Jensen’s ever seen and despite wearing Misha’s creation over his ear, the bustle makes him itchy.

Jared smiles, but doesn’t look over. Jensen’s noticed Jared doesn’t glance directly at him when he’s wearing the earbud. He understands. Seeing Jared’s features all distorted spooked him a little, too.

“It’ll be awesome, trust me. They’ve got an amazing selection,” Jared assures.

“How many people have you purchased rings for?” Jensen quips, as a joke. Kind of.

Jared stops walking, turns and actually makes eye contact, “No one. I’ve heard from friends how cool this place is. There hasn’t ever been anyone I’ve ever wanted to give a ring to before you. You got it?”

Jensen smiles and has to check out his shoes for a second. In some respects this has all happened so fast, it freaks Jensen out a little, but then Jared’ll be…well, Jared, and this sense of rightness settles into Jensen’s chest and he knows — in a way he never has before — that he’s found the person he’s supposed to be with. “I got it,” he whispers.

Jared nods, as though the matter’s resolved, links his fingers back with Jensen’s and continues down the crowded mall.

Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand and is rewarded with a mirrored gesture.

Jared must know the location of this store because his stride holds a definite purpose. Jensen matches his pace and takes everything in.

Store fronts and eateries flash past and there are smells of food and perfume and various creatures and it’s kind of sensory overload, but Jensen’s getting used to being able to peruse his surroundings instead of hugging walls and keeping to corners. He had to remind himself at first, but he’s getting the hang of it — of being able to walk freely in crowds.

It’s pretty liberating.

He’s checking out a Krevyavick in a heated argument with what looks like a Barvelite when he sees it. Spots of red. Uniforms.

It’s an age-old instinct that will not go away overnight and he tightens up, muscles pulling him almost to a stop.

Jared glances over his shoulder and follows Jensen’s line of sight. Jensen can tell Jared’s a little tense too, but his voice is calm when he says, “We’re going to walk right by them.”

Jensen’s breath is sharp. “Jared…”

Jared shakes his head. “You look nothing like yourself. We’re going to walk right by them. You’ll be fine, okay? I’m right here.”

He jiggles their combined hands and Jensen inhales deep.

When Jared starts walking again, Jensen follows.

It’s the closest he’s been to a Dominion officer since he last left the ship. Memories fire off in his mind and he hopes he’s maintaining some level of calm, but he can’t be sure.

Jared’s got a death grip on his hand and he actually almost brushes against the red coat as they walk past.

And.

Nothing happens.

There’s not even a blink from any of the five officers.

Jensen’s literally just another face in the crowd and he thinks he should maybe send Misha a fruit basket or something. He laughs a little madly at that.

Jared’s lips move against Jensen’s temple when he says, “See? We’re totally good.”

Jensen pulls Jared’s hand to his chest and just breathes for a bit.

Damn. It really does work. He’s really free.

He has to blink more than a few times to not break down in a crowded mall. He can’t get over the monumental sense of relief.

He kisses the knuckles of Jared’s hand and the other man asks, “Now how ‘bout we get some rings?”

The store is bright and full of glittery things and the surfaces look clean enough to perform surgery on. Jensen supposes the lights need to be that luminous in order to see the clarity of the diamonds, but damn, he’s gotta squint a little to get used to it.

The sales girl lights up when she sees them and Jensen’s not sure if she’s desperate for a sale or excited for them or a combination of both.

“Please tell me you’re here for wedding bands,” she says when she reaches them.

Jensen swears she looks all of about twelve.

Jared smiles, “You must be somewhat psychic because yes we are.”

She grins at them and motions them over to a display, “I can just tell when two people are in love and you guys definitely fit the bill. These are the bands we have for our gentlemen customers.”

Jensen’s surprised at the variety. Some are gold, silver and some are even black. A few have diamonds and most have a design around the outside of the band. Some aren’t even circles.

Jared’s looking at the collection and asks, “Maybe silver. What do you think?”

Jensen nods. He’s more than a little overwhelmed.

“Diamonds?” Jared asks.

Jensen wrinkles his nose and Jared agrees.

Even with all the selection, something catches Jensen’s eye. It’s almost tucked away in the corner, so it’s somewhat easy to miss, but when he notices it, something shimmers in his chest.

It’s silver and there are no diamonds, but something about the texture on the metal looks like…the night’s sky — the exact scene outside Jared’s bedroom window.

He points without a word and Jared leans down and inhales quickly.

Jensen knows he sees it too.

Jared gets the saleswoman to show them and she brings out two identical rings. When Jensen slides his onto his third finger, even though it’s a little big, there’s a certainty in him that he can’t deny.

He bounces a little on his heels — he can’t help it — and Jared whispers, “Yep. You found them.”

When they glance back up to the woman, she almost has literal hearts in her eyes.

She sizes their fingers and heads back to the office to place the order. Jensen takes a chance, even with the cameras he knows have to be in the store and pulls off Misha’s earbud.

Jared’s eyes get wide when he looks at him and says, “Jensen…”

Jensen shakes his head. “I want to be me when I say this. They’re perfect. You’re perfect. And this is gonna be so awesome.”

Jared chuckles and angles his head for a kiss and Jensen couldn’t care who’s watching.

He barely gets the earbud back in time for the saleswoman to return, but it was totally worth it. They sign what they need, thank her and head out.

Chad appears out of nowhere with some concoction in a box that he’s actually eating. And it’s greenish-brown. His mouth falls open and he asks, “Jay who the hell is this guy?? You’re getting married in a few days. I’m telling Jensen.”

Jared and Jensen both roll their eyes and step around Chad. It wasn’t funny the first thirty times he came up with the joke after they’d showed him Misha’s gadget and it still isn’t.

“Seriously, man, this isn’t right,” Chad continues to trail after them. “You need a marriage counselor before you even get married.” There’s chewing and an excited, “Hey, wait, no, maybe you don’t. That thing could be fun. You could be all,” his voice drops to a particularly creepy pitch for the next three words, “’hello there stranger,’ but you know it’s really Jensen and it’s totally cool if you fuck him—“

Jared turns around at that and Jensen goes with him, “Chad for the love of the gods, we’re in public.”

Chad’s got the greenish-brown stuff dripping off his chin and he looks genuinely confused for a second before his eyes take on an understanding and he says, “Oh I don’t mean you should fuck out here. I mean, unless you’re into that, which is cool, but could get you in trouble ‘cause I don’t think you’re supposed to fuck in public, but I’m not totally sure on that one…”

Chad’s voice fades when Jared places a kiss on Jensen’s forehead and Jensen can’t keep the smile off his manufactured face.

**

They do it up right — tuxes and awesome food and great music and maybe Misha shouldn’t drink and dance and Chad definitely shouldn’t have done the toast, but all in all, it’s an amazing night.

The people of Hopewell decorate the main hub with gorgeous white lights and everything is cleared out and replaced with chairs and food and speakers and Jared can’t remember feeling this good, ever.

Two papers are signed that night — one for death and one for marriage and despite the fact that Danny quips with her typical sarcasm that it’s the perfect combination, the moment is a poignant one.

Misha finds some way to become ordained and Jeff assures it’s legit, so when he turns his blue eyes to both Jared and Jensen and asks the life-changing question, Jared lifts his eyes to Jensen and he’s glowing. Literally as golden as Jared has ever seen him.

Jensen’s as happy in this moment as he is at the piano — if not more so — and Jared knows this was fast and they may not know each other as well as other people do when they get married but he will remember this second for the rest of his life.

Because it’s here that tells him how much Jensen loves him and if a man that’s been through everything Jensen has can still be this happy, can still love this much…well, then he’s one worth treasuring.

And Jared plans to do just that.

His voice is clogged with so much emotion when he says _I do_ that he hopes people can hear him.

When Jensen smiles he realizes it truly only matters that the man beside him gets it.

Jensen’s voice is as clear as the notes he plays on his piano when he murmurs, “I do.”

When Misha pronounces them husbands, he doesn’t get the rest of the words out before Chad yells, “Kiss him already, Jay!!”

Chad sounds muffled after that, so Jared assumes Chris takes care of him and he leans into Jensen for the fateful kiss.

Jensen meets him halfway with the smallest of chuckles and it’s like he can’t contain his joy.

When Jared pulls back, he whispers, “I love you.”

Jensen grabs one more kiss and says, “Ditto.”

They clearly shouldn’t have watched _Ghost_ last night.

Jared laughs outright and pulls Jensen in for a hug where he hears, “You’re the best of my life, Jared Padalecki. I love you so much.”

And then, the celebration kicks off.

It’s after a particularly athletic dance from Chad that the music falls quiet from the speakers and Jared turns to his side to say something to Jensen, but he’s not there.

Moving with the crowd, Jared finds him on the raised platform with a microphone in his hand.

His piano stands behind him and Jared shivers from his head to his toes. He twines he way around people to get to the very front. He does not want to miss a second.

Jensen clears his throat and speaks, “Um, hi everybody. I’m…uh, Jensen, in case you weren’t sure,” there’s a collective chuckle from the group and Jensen rubs the back of his neck, “yeah, I guess that’s…um, pretty clear. I don’t usually talk on these things and man, your voice really echoes, doesn’t it? But, uh, anyway, I wanted to p-play something for you. I wrote it myself this last time I was in the hospital,” he takes a breath, “for those of you who don’t know, my life before meeting Jared wasn’t…well, it wasn’t great…”

Understatement of the galactic year.

“And meeting Jared and all these guys,” and Jared assumes the crew is somewhere nearby when Jensen gestures, “was…well, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But, you know, that doesn’t even come close to describing it. I don’t think words can do it justice at all. All I know is that I found people who accept me for who I am and the freedom in that is,” he takes a breath, “well, it’s awesome. And I know that I will love Jared Padalecki until the day I die and that’s not something I ever thought was meant for me.”

A few sniffles fill the quiet and Jared maybe has to wipe some dust from his eyes.

“This song tries to put all of that to music. I hope you like it.”

Jensen puts the mic down, turns and sits and begins to play.

The music that fills the space is breathtaking. Jared struggles between wanting to close his eyes and savor and watch Jensen.

The story begins a bit melancholy and Jared knows exactly when the kiss in the chophouse happens because there’s a lightness to the tune that wasn’t there before.

And for the next ten minutes, Jared can almost track his life over the last few months because it’s literally been put to music.

It’s stunning and beautiful and everything Jensen is.

When Jared looks around, he finds others with rapt expressions and mesmerized faces.

Jensen, his husband, has a rare, gorgeous talent, and Jared has never been more proud. He wants to remind everyone near him that, _hey, I married him. How fucking lucky am I?_

When the song ends, the audience literally erupts.

Jensen turns around and he only has eyes for Jared and he’s beautiful. So fucking beautiful.

Jared gestures for Jensen and Jensen hurries over, hops off the platform and right into Jared’s arms.

It’s not exactly the lift from _Dirty Dancing_ , but it’s close and he has a feeling it may be what Jensen was going for.

Jared holds on tight and Jensen does the same.

Jared’s got his mouth next to Jensen’s ear and he whispers, “I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re amazing.”

When Jensen pulls back to make eye contact his green eyes and glowing skin are easily the most spectacular thing Jared’s ever seen. “I love you,” Jensen whispers.

“Holy crap, man, that was fucking nuts!” Chad wallops Jared on the back and yanks Jensen away. “So can you teach me that sometime?”

Others flock around and Jensen looks back one last time before getting swallowed up by the crowd and Jared gives him a wink.

Someone slides next to Jared and when he glances over, he finds Jeff standing there. He looks like a proud father and Jared says, “My parents are gonna kill me.”

Jeff shakes his head, “Nah. They’ll understand. Especially once they meet Jensen.”

Jared nods. He knows. Besides his mama’s probably gonna want to have a second ceremony on Earth anyway and she’ll be thrilled to be able to do whatever she wants.

Jared can’t wait to see Jensen’s face.

“So,” Jeff says. “You done good.”

Jared smiles. “Even though I took a stranger onto my ship without vetting him first?”

Jeff has the grace to laugh at that one. “You’re instincts serve you well, Jared. They always have. And you were right about Jensen. I think you’re both good for each other.”

Jensen’s having a discussion with a group of young people and he’s animated and energized and coming out of his shell so perfectly.

“Congrats,” Jeff says with a squeeze to Jared’s shoulder.

It’s the end of the night and Jared and Jensen are seated at their table, shoes off, Jensen’s feet in Jared’s lap, ties undone when the crew wanders up with suspicious expressions.

They’re particularly dapper tonight — Gen and Fel found amazing dresses in Hopewell and Chris may be wearing his boots, but his dress slacks somehow work. Even Chad looks…well, somewhat respectable and he doesn’t appear to have gotten any food on his white shirt.

Still, each one of them has trouble maintaining eye contact.

Jared frowns, “What have you done?”

Gen bites her lip and Felicia finds the greenery beside her unreasonably fascinating.

Chad, Chris and Aldis share a look. Chris knocks shoulders with Aldis and murmurs, “it was your idea…”

Aldis clears his throat, “So, here’s the thing. Jensen,” and Jensen sits up, clearly surprised to be brought into this. “I was thinking. That document Rosenbaum sent out about your death. It, uh. It can make it to all corners of just about every galaxy. Including Terryn. I was wondering if maybe you wanna — at some point — head back there and at least let your mama know you’re okay.”

Jared didn’t think his heart could swell any larger in his chest, but damn it. Here they are.

Jensen’s eyes are wet when he looks to Jared and Jared shrugs, “Your call, baby, but I think you know we’re all in.”

The five people around them nod simultaneously.

“You’re one of us, man,” Aldis states. “We wanna help if we can.”

Jensen stands up and his stockinged feet make no noise on the floor. He shakes hands with Chris and it turns into a hug. Aldis grabs them both together in his long arms and Chad jumps on top.

Gen and Fel hang back and when Jensen’s released, they wrap him up and hold on for a while. Jared can see their mouths moving and he knows they’re telling him how happy they are he’s part of the crew permanently.

The next morning, as a group of now seven, they walk to the ship and open the cargo bay.

Jared knows he’s got mischief in his expression when he asks, “So, Fel, you think you can plot a course to Terryn or do you need help with the coordinates?”

Felicia looks murderous and Gen rolls her eyes as she helps Chris pull in supplies.

“Need I remind you idiots,” Felicia’s saying. “Who actually won that flying competition?”

Jared scoffs. “Sure, you can fly, but I worry sometimes that your course may be a bit off.”

Chad’s genuinely scared, “Dude, you’re gonna lose your balls and I’m willing to bet Jensen likes them.”

Jensen’s got a load of food under his arm when he quips, “Chad’s not wrong about me liking your balls, man. How about we not poke the bear named Fel, okay?”

Felicia holds up both hands in front of her face and curls her fingers at Jared, “Roar.”

Jensen tilts his head, “See?”

Felicia hops once and spins on her heels, “Anyone or anything not on this boat in the next minute gets left.”

Aldis shakes his head and closes the cargo bay door. “Same threat every time.”

Chris chuckles. “Remember that time dumbass,” he flicks a thumb toward Chad, “was practically hanging off the launchpad in his underwear when the ship started to take off?”

Aldis laughs, “So classic.”

“I was sunbathing!” Chad protests. “I hadn’t gotten an equal-parts tan. I mean, come on, I gotta look good for the ladies.”

“Oh yeah,” Chris quips. “They’re beating down a path to your door.”

Aldis, Chris and Chad head up the stairs with Chad assuring, “You don’t know, man, just last night I met this lady — weddings make them horny, you know…”

Jared turns to his husband just as the ship fires up around them. He smiles, “You ready?”

Jensen nods, “As long as you’re by my side, always.”

“That’s the plan,” Jared assures around a kiss.

Always it is.

~ fin

 

 


End file.
